Our Big News

I bugged Paul all day Wednesday to give me the green light to write this post.  And he did.  So you think that I would have gotten around to writing it before Saturday night, when James, who has been asleep for approximately 27 minutes (but who's counting) is bound to wake up, trying to convince me that he's starving, beginning our first round (tonight) of night weaning, which right now means that we try to make it to midnight before his first feeding.  Or at least 11:30.

That, if I'm totally honest, is the real reason I haven't written much lately.

The other day I counted how often the 14-months-old-tomorrow-boy woke up during the night and it was five times between 8 pm and 12 pm and then an additional seven times between 12 pm and 6 am. That's twelve wakings in ten hours for anyone who's counting.

So night weaning it is.  Last night he only woke up three times instead of five during that first four hour stretch, which I'm telling myself is progress.

But to get to the actual point of this post (which you may be surprised to learn isn't about night weaning), I'll begin by saying that we've had quite the week.

And this past week has changed our plans for the next couple months, mostly because we realized that at this point asking for prayers might be more important than keeping the Big Secret, a secret.

Towards the end of October we were thrilled to learn, when two little lines appeared on a small collection of tests, that our family was again growing.

In the past I've been able to keep that secret for approximately ten seconds.  This time I asked Paul if maybe we couldn't keep the secret a bit longer, and since I'm always the one ready to shout it from the rooftops, he agreed.

I joked that, since winter in Michigan was moving in fast, I could probably keep the secret until the baby was practically ready to be born.  Paul reminded me that I'd have to shed my fluffy down jacket some time before the baby's due date, which happens to be the Fourth of July.

Maybe, I insisted stubbornly.  Sometimes we still have snow in April.  Which isn't July, he pointed out.

There was spotting at six and seven weeks, but it wasn't that big a deal.  Or so I told myself, trying to really believe it.  Spotting is always scary.

I believed that it was okay more than I believed it when it happened at seven and ten weeks with James (which we found at twelve weeks was a subchorionic hematoma) and I believed it much more than I did when it happened at six, ten, sixteen, and twenty weeks during my pregnancy with Patch (when it happened at six weeks I raced to the ER, hysterical, because I was sure I was miscarrying).

This time I called the nurse's line the next day to let them know what was happening, and she asked if I'd gone to the ER, and I said "nope, it's not like there's anything they can do" feeling like I'd finally learned something from all those past moments of fear and she'd agreed and told me to call back if it started up again or got worse.

A week ago Friday, at nine weeks and four days, it got worse.  And it continued to be worse all weekend.  I tried to stay in bed.  Or at least lay on the couch.  I burst into tears at random times when I was the only one in the room.  And I couldn't eat because there was still morning sickness all the time, along with clots and other things that steadily sapped my hope of getting any good news on Monday when I would hopefully be able to see my doctor.

At 8 am on Monday I'd already called my doctor's office a few times, just in case they were there early.  When I got through they only had one appointment left, in the afternoon, and it wasn't with my doctor.

Paul dropped me off and drove with the kids to Maggie's speech appointment, and I waited, feeling increasingly hopeless, as the doctor I'd met approximately two minutes earlier searched for a heartbeat.  I thought of how they'd hardly been able to find James' heartbeat at eighteen weeks, because of an anterior placenta, and hoped we wouldn't face a similar scenario at that moment.

Just as I'd begun to feel my heart sink further, we heard the rapid sound of a baby heartbeat and he assured me that it sounded good.  It's not too slow, I asked worriedly.  A slow heartbeat was how we knew that things were going wrong with Christian at twelve weeks.

I asked about an ultrasound, but he was sure that since we'd heard a heartbeat we didn't need one.

I undoubtedly looked desperate when I got out to the receptionists desk and she asked me when my next appointment was.  "In two days." I said.  "We can push it back a couple weeks." She replied, looking at the form the doctor had filled out.  "I was hoping I could keep it." I said quickly.  "You see if the bleeding hasn't stopped by then I'm going to be having a nervous breakdown and I really want to see my doctor, because I'm almost completely sure he'll order and ultrasound, which will keep me from going completely crazy."

I was almost completely sure he'd order an ultrasound because he'd ordered ultrasounds for much less.  The receptionist took pity on me and let me keep it and two days later my doctor walked into the room and said that of course he'd order the ultrasound, maybe they'd even be able to squeeze me in that day.  He said that he couldn't promise me that I wasn't miscarrying, but he was able to find a heartbeat, going strong at 189 beats per minute.

He listened for a while longer, because the other doctor had noted that the baby was on the left side, and he'd found it on the right, and after he said something about wondering if it was twins I assured him that the other OB had found the heartbeat in the exact same spot.  And then we talked about some of the scary things that can cause bleeding, especially after four c-sections, and some of the not-so-scary things, like the subchorionic hematoma I had with James.

Two hours later I was staring at an ultrasound screen, praying that everything was okay.  Then I saw this.  The baby was measuring exactly on for the dates I'd given them:

Another subchorionic hematoma was quickly located and I watched as the newest member of our family squirmed and wiggled and kicked her legs on the screen(we totally don't know, but Paul is insisting that his baby-intuition has him seeing pink).

"We have to tell everybody!"  I said, when I got to the car.  Paul gave me that look he gives me when I'm passionately announcing something that's the exact opposite of what I was saying a short while earlier.  But I was remembering how prayers have carried us through those other scary times and I'd also realized that if we did have to say goodbye to this little one, I would never be able to keep this tiny life a secret from the world.

"Let's wait until Christmas!" he said.
"Let's tell them today!" I countered.

And finally, after extensive negotiations I promised that he could find out the gender of the baby this time (something I've been pretty strongly against, because I was hoping maybe it could be a surprise this time) and maybe I would and maybe I wouldn't but he wouldn't be telling me if I didn't, if he only would let me make the announcement ASAP.

So he made some phone calls.  And I made this banner on Pic Monkey, because I wasn't quite motivated enough to actually come up with a cute picture and make everybody pose for it in real life:

Besides, those little snow people were so much more cooperative than the little people that I would have been working with here.

Right now I am ten weeks and five days (Who's counting?  Me.  Totally me.).  Things are good.  I'm pretty sick, a result I guess, of those strong HCG levels they measured last Monday.  The hemorrhage, after 4-5 days, has finally stopped.  And I'm impatiently waiting for my next appointment, which will be at 13 weeks, when I'll hopefully begin to relax a little bit more as more time passes after this last scare.

And that is the very long announcement that doesn't look much like the Pinterest worthy idea I was carefully crafting a few weeks ago, but that brings the very happy news that sometime between Sadie's birthday and Maggie's birthday, we expect that we will be welcoming the newest member of the family!

Sadie's concerned that we may not be able to handle eating three whole cakes inside of two weeks, but somehow, I think we should be able to manage. After all, James is pretty serious about eating cake:

One Minute of Playing Cars

I've been wrapped up in proof reading (and then in the last few days taking a break from proof reading before beginning the next round of edits), but I had to pop in to share a sweet story from our day today.

This morning Maggie had OT early at the pediatric rehabilitation center, and then we headed over to her next therapy appointment, managing to only be one minute late (the first appointment had been switched so I'd known getting from one to the next would be cutting it close).

When we walked through the double glass doors I saw a little dark haired boy sitting on the floor in the middle of the lobby.  His name immediately popped into my head.  Of the hundred plus kids that receive services through the center I know only a few of Maggie's favorite friends by name.

Maggie adores this little boy.  Often times, in the mornings, he'll be having a tough time, and I'll run interference with Maggie because she will be desperate to go over and offer him a hug, which despite multiple explanations about it, she hasn't quite accepted isn't what he usually needs when he's sad that his mom is leaving.

Today was different though.  He was sitting on the floor happily playing with a few dozen toy cars.  Maggie bounced through the door in her green velvet dress and red glitter tights, and he looked up and said "Maggie!" and she said "Hi!" and walked straight over to sit down, facing him.
For almost a minute they played together with his cars and then it became clear that he was very nervous about the car Maggie was holding and she handed it back to him (without me asking her to) and stood up and bounded over across the room to stand in front of the door that she knew her therapist would be coming through any moment, while waving her hand and saying "Bye, bye!" to me, impatient to be on her way to the playroom as quickly as possible.

But that moment of her playing for a minute, and sharing an interest, with a friend stuck with me on day and in this month where we talk about what we're thankful for, one of the things I'm so thankful for is seeing her connect with and be able to communicate with the people around her and make friends!

7 Quick Takes: Lily Edition

In honor of almost being a member of the family for a week I thought I'd devote this morning's Quick Takes to our fluffy white puppy.

-1-

When people hear that you're thinking about getting a puppy they tell you how much work its going to be, and so I was a little nervous about bringing Lily home by the time we went to pick her up.  As I had dogs growing up but I figured as a grown up it would (like all things) be way more work    

I've realized however, over the course of the last week, that I think we've reached a maximum level of chaos long before Lily's arrival, and she can't really add to the general mayhem that is life in the playroom.  She can join in and have fun, but add to it?  Not all that much.   

 -2-

It took two days to convince her that walking on a leash wasn't the worst thing that could ever happen to her.  And then she went from hating her leash to deciding that it was the best. thing. ever.

 -3-

So this happened.  

It's maybe a little embarrassing carrying a puppy this big down the street in a baby carrier.  

But we'd gone on a walk to pick Maggie up from therapy and she walked over a mile like a champ and was just exhausted.  I'd brought the baby carrier just in case something like that happened.  After all, she's giant for an eight week old, but she's still only eight weeks old.

After almost a week of walks she walked almost two miles yesterday and then ran around the yard for another hour afterwards, so her little puppy endurance is definitely going up.  Which is good because in a few months there's no way I'll be able to carry her over a mile to get home.

-4-

This was our first walk down the main street in our city. 

There were a lot of terrifying things.  Mainly the ten or so buses that went by in our little half mile (in either direction) walk.  

On our second big walk down main street though, she definitely still noticed all the buses, but they weren't nearly as scary.  Except for a giant Coors truck that turned right behind us.  

That definitely was still ranked high on the scary list.

 -5-

When she lays down in the grass like this she thinks we can't see her.  At all.  

She spent a large part of yesterday trying to sneak up on people and wondering why we weren't all that shocked when she'd spring up out of hiding.

-6-

Definitely still a little baby.  After every walk we can be assured of a two hour nap.

-7-

Playing in the backyard is the best thing ever!  

For more Lily, check out her Instagram page.  I'm pretty sure she's going to have more followers than me by the end of this week.  I gave her her own Instagram page so I don't post too many puppy pictures everywhere else.  Today will be an exception from that rule!

For more Quick Takes head over to This Ain't the Lyceum!

Maggie's MRI

I didn't realize until a friend emailed me last night that I'd completely forgotten to update everyone on Maggie's big day getting an MRI!  First off, thank you to everyone who prayed for us!

The day started bright and early when we headed to the hospital an hour before the sun was up and met with one of her therapists after checking in downstairs.  We made our way together up to the Children's Outpatient Surgery section of the hospital and there were some tears during the weigh in and taking of her measurements and attempted taking of her vitals. Maggie's fear of weighting rooms and check ins at doctors offices' is almost a phobia.... and so those times are never fun.

Then we were sent down to a bed, which she was supposed to stay in... however... there was one major obstacle.  This particular entire section of the hospital had been decorated to look like a fish tank, complete with sea life scenes across the nurses' station and linoleum tiled ponds, full of fish, on the floor.

It was the linoleum tile ponds that gave us the most trouble.

It may be hard to imagine how big of a deal this was, but basically a giant room decorated like a fish tank is like Disney World to Maggie.  All she wanted to do was go four feet from her bed, crouch down quietly at the edge of the linoleum pond, which was far away from everything and everyone else and sit her little mermaid doll, and teeny tiny plastic sand castle, in the middle of it and let them swim.

When the nurse explained that she needed to be in her little fabric lined cubicle so that she didn't violate any other patients privacy, she seemed to feel that I'd taken her to Disney World and told her she couldn't touch anything or go on any of the rides and needed to sit in a hospital bed instead.

So she was pretty sad as we corralled our whirlwind into her little space and pointed out that the floor was blue there too.  We sang songs, and tried to interest her in what was on TV and waited.

And Maggie calmed down and sat on the bed and on my lap and played inside our little space, if not happily at least quietly.  Since we were still in the hospital it was a victory.

The nurse came in and it was clear that she was having a bit of a bad day.  She looked at Maggie and sighed and said "I don't know how we're going to do this with her. I don't think we'll be able to.  We're never going to be able to get an IV in her.  There's no way." And she walked off, and came back and said the same thing a second time, and left again, and returned to say it a third time, in case we hadn't heard her the previous two times, and added that she was sending the anesthesiologist in the have A Talk with me about what was going to have to happen.

 It was around this time that Maggie rolled off the bed and curled up in my lap and started to sob, and I may have had a hard time suppressing the swear words in my head, which included the repeated phrase "Really, is this this unusual at this enormous teaching hospital?  Just do your job."

You see we've been to the hospital before and had blood draws before and it wasn't a big deal. I've been repeatedly told that if she had a hard time they'd just call someone from the PICU to come help, but they've never had to.  Of course, we'd also never had a nurse announce in front of her how impossible and difficult it was going to be, so that did add a degree of difficulty.

In retrospect I should have said "You know she understands EVERYTHING you're saying" but I was so stunned at the way she was saying what she was saying that I couldn't really find a response. I kept telling myself she as having a bad day, but her bad day was seriously affecting my now terrified five year old.

Then the anesthesiologist arrived and saved the day.   He swept and in and explained that he works in critical care pediatrics and Maggie glanced over at him as he began to talk to her.  She sat up.  He asked if he could listen to her heartbeat and said "can we listen to your heartbeat here?" and put the stethoscope on her knee.  She reached out and took the end of the stethoscope and put it over her heart.  Then they listened to her doll's heart.

Within a few minutes he'd completely won her over and was helping her hold the ear pieces for the stethoscope up to her tiny Molly dolls ears so Molly could listen to Maggie's heart too.

As he left the room he said "I'll have to tell Nurse R that she likes me the best." with a smile, after commenting several times on how charming she was (and by now she was all smiles and giggles).

We decided that Versed Syrup, which Maggie takes when she has teeth cleanings, would be the best way to go about getting the IV started, because he wanted to make the whole process as easy for her as possible.  He ordered a special flavored mixture from the pharmacy, since all the syrup they had was unflavored (and apparently very strong tasting) and when it came Maggie easily drank it and sat on my lap as she became more and more sleepy.

I lifted her up in the bed and held her hand while they placed the IV and then wrapped it and then found a splint for it, since even in her drowsy state she was still very interested in what was taped to her arm.

We walked down the radiology and I got to be by her head while she fell asleep and then she was whisked into the MRI while I said goodbye to her therapist and thanked her for talking over three hours out of her morning to be there, and then I went to wait in the waiting room.

Maggie woke up when we were back upstairs, and she was excited to see that they'd brought her a red popsicle.  Her nurse was in a much better mood.

After gobbling down the popsicles we were whisked out to the car in a wheel chair (since she wouldn't sit in it by herself) and a few minutes later I was trying to convince her that she really couldn't walk, much less run (the Versed Syrup takes a bit to wear off), as she attempted to climb out of my arms and zoom around the house.

It was a huge relief when the meds finally wore off and I didn't have to worry about her not being able to walk any longer.

All in all, apart from that one little bump of grumpiness in the road, it went better than we really could have hoped. And now we wait for the end of the month for her next neurology appointment, although I have a feeling we won't have any bad news since they haven't called us and the results must already be in!

Thank you again for all the prayers for her big trip to get an MRI.  We definitely appreciated them!

The Feast of All Saints 2015

We celebrated the feast of All Saint's with some last minute costume creations. 

I'd been telling myself for most of October that I'd have time to throw something together, but on Halloween I had a sudden burst of energy and sewed a costume for Patch, discovered that the one I'd planned on James wearing didn't fit, and sewed a costume for him to wear as well.  

Here's Patch trying on his costume moments after it came off the sewing machine,  I had nothing that fit him in the Saint Costume Box and so it was made from scratch:

There was cake, because nothing convince my littlest ones that a feast day is important like cake:

And here they are as a group who just won't stay together for even two seconds to get their picture taken.  Despite Sadie's best efforts.  Can you guess who's who?  (I'll tell you below the picture)

Maggie was dressed as Saint Therese. Patch was Pope Saint John Paul II, Sadie was Saint Bernadette and James went as Saint Francis.

James, as shown through all the pictures, was not a fan of his costume.

Lily was the Wolf from the story of Saint Francis and the Wolf:

Okay, so it was more or less a photography fail, but they had so much fun dressing up as some of their favorite saints.  I do believe that it helps the stories that we've read and the saints who's intercession we've asked for come alive in their minds!

The Newest Member of the Wollner Clan

I have All Saint's costumes to show you, because I managed to complete my last minute scramble of sewing in the kitchen while watching the kids play through the door, but I think they can wait until tomorrow, because today I want to share with you the newest member of our family and the ways in which she's already amazing us, even though she's only been here for a few days.

This is Lily:

She's an eight week old Great Pyrenees puppy and on Halloween, we skipped trick or treating (it was raining and cold) and we drove north for a couple of hours with all the kids in the car, for a surprise.

It wasn't a surprise for Sadie, who knew why we were driving, or Maggie, who I'd been prepping for the surprise, but for Patch, who's birthday is next week and who is entirely puppy crazy, it was a complete surprise:

For a long time we've been on a wait list for a service dog for Maggie.  A very long time.  We first began to application process in June of 2014.  Paul contacted them last month and was told that they wouldn't even begin matching Maggie with a dog to begin training for another year.  So we're going to look into other places and fund raising.

But while we were waiting we saw a picture of Lily, and fell in love.  So we drove up to a little farm with a few dogs that watch their animals and we met the parents of the puppies and Paul picked out Lily because she was the most interested in him when he came into the barn and she had the cutest little face.

I was't sure what puppy life with a Great Pyrenees would be like.  I grew up in a house that always had dogs, an Australian Shepherd, a black lab, a pit bull/lab mix, but we'd done a lot of research on Great Pyrenees before going to get her and I was a little nervous after reading about how strong willed and independent they can be.

Lily immediately put me at ease, as I comforted the little ball of nerves in the car.  By the time we were halfway home she'd decided this whole car thing wasn't so bad.

The first night here she slept far more soundly than either of the boys.  I kept waking up and expecting to hear her barking or whining, but instead (after proving that she could jump in and out of the "large dog" pen we'd gotten for her) she settled into her bed and slept.

The best part about yesterday, however, was watching how her relationship with each of the kids had already developed, and how different those relationships were.

I'll start with James.

Lily seems to think that James is a puppy.  He crawls everywhere.  And she wants to be with him all of the time.  She trails him around the house. When he crawls she walks right next to him.  When he sits, she'd sit with her back against his. When he naps, she naps:

I was helping Maggie with something and came back to find them like this.

James isn't entirely sure what to think of her.  He's not a huge fan of being kissed repeatedly by a puppy and she loves kissing him.  Still, they already seem to be thick as thieves.

Okay, one sneak preview of St. Francis and the Wolf.

Next is Patch.

Lily and Patch are kind of hilarious together.  She sits next to him and he says "sit, stay" over and over again, which he must have learned somewhere although I have no idea where, and he beams with pride because he finally has a puppy.

Then there's Maggie.

I wasn't sure how Maggie would react to the puppy.  When we got into the house she came over and touched Lily's nose and said nose, and then touched her ears and said ear.

By yesterday morning she and Lily were inseparable.  Lily would lay next to Maggie and Maggie would put her mermaid dolls on top of Lily so they were "riding" her.

Then I noticed that Lily kept finding Maggie's toys and carrying them around the house.  Maggie didn't mind.  She always wants someone to play mermaids and Lily was only picking up mermaids.  She definitely recognized which ones smelled like Maggie.

Yesterday afternoon Maggie was having a tough time.  She was upset and started to cry.  And just like that Lily was there.  She picked up her puppy blanket, which I'd wrapped her when we brought her home, and she shook her head and yipped, trying to get Maggie's attention.  Then she laid down next to Maggie and Maggie began to pet her and suddenly all was right in the world.  Just like that.

Sadie is the one that the puppy loves to run with.  Sadie's constantly moving and the moment Sadie stands up Lily's ears prick forward and she stands up too.  When Sadie moves, it's almost always quickly, like a whirlwind moving through the house, and Lily is right there beside her, a ball of excitement.

So far when I'm with Lily she's calm.

Unless we're outside playing and then she likes to run around the yard next to me.  The moment I'd stop moving she would run straight towards me and lay down at my feet and look up and wait to see what we were going to do next.

We're going to take her to puppy classes and obedience classes and I've noticed that some of the obedience schools nearby offer service dog courses, so I'm hoping she can take those as well.  I'm not sure she'll ever be an actual "service dog" (I doubt it) but I do think she's going to be a great addition to the family and a great comfort to Maggie when she's upset.

And having a giant dog who's protective of the family in the house won't hurt either.

So meet Lily, the newest member of the family!  We're so excited that she's here!

I have no idea how she managed to fall asleep between all the kids while they were playing.  But she did.
And I snapped this moments later.