Patch, Our Little Hero

"Mommy?"  Patch's voice was just above a whisper in the darkness of the boys' bedroom tonight.  James was already asleep but Patch, our former champion sleeper, has had a hard time falling asleep alone lately, and so I was sitting with him as he drifted off.  "I miss Jamesy!"

His voice was so tiny and sad that I reassured him that James was asleep in his crib, and that his crib is only two feet away from Patch's toddler bed, and that they'd be awake and playing before he knew it.

Patch and James are inseparable and if James is following Maggie into trouble of some sort (usually of a climbing sort) Patch is nearly always right there to shout "Uh oh!  Mommy!  Baby brother! Uh oh!" until I glance over and rescue James from whatever it is that he's trying to do.

Our house is quite thoroughly baby proofed, but with a big sister like Maggie leading the way, he still finds ways to surprise me by getting into trouble.

It seems that Patch's watchfulness of Maggie, which persists to this day, has carried over into telling me whenever he thinks his little brother needs extra attention too.

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Maggie's elopement this summer definitely made an impression on Patch (for those who don't know, he was a little over 2 1/2 at the time).  

If Maggie isn't in the room with us, because she's gone upstairs, or because she's at therapy and he didn't notice when she left, he'll look around and say "Where'd Maggie go?  Where's Maggie?  Maggie upstairs?"  

His concern is especially touching since if there are two kids who are going to be getting into an argument about something it's going to be Maggie and Patch.  They've hit a lot of developmental milestones together and their closeness sometimes expresses itself in arguments.

Even when she isn't with us he's still alert.  Once I assure him of where she is he instantly relaxes, but at least once a day he checks in if he isn't sure where she's gone to.

This week we went to a playgroup/women's group at our parish.  Maggie was at therapy and so I took the other three with me.  

A few times people left and the left the doors to the outer hallway open.  I didn't really notice, because I wasn't watching for open doors the way  I would if Maggie was with us. But Patch was. 

Twice I saw him run across the room towards the doors and I got up to follow him, afraid he was following in his older sister's footsteps of running off at the first opportunity.  Instead it became clear that he wanted to make sure the doors were closed.  The first time a few older kids had walked out and he quickly went to the door and closed it and then looked at me proudly.

The second time though there were people standing outside the door talking and he stood in the doorway and then gave me a worried look as he waited until everyone either came in or left altogether, before carefully closing the door.  

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It can be tough being three.

Lately this has manifested in arguments with just about anyone about just about anything.

The little guy has a serious case of the nos and it's often exasperated by having an older sister who's only too willing to argue and say "yes" over and over again to answer each of his "nos."  

So I was surprised tonight when he was laying in bed and he hugged the stuffed animal that I picked up that has a little button that plays the new baby's heartbeat from the last ultrasound.

"Patch, you know the new baby's going to be a girl."  And then I told him what we're going to name her.  And he said "Why?" And I told him because we really like that name.  He was quiet for a moment and I said "What do you think Patch?  Are you going to be a good big brother to a little sister?"  

He was silent for a bit longer.  I half expected a no, since that's his favorite word these days.  Instead in a clear little voice he said "Yes!" and went back to cuddling his favorite stuffed pound puppy as he drifted off to sleep.  

On Staircases and Emergency Trips to Pick Up Baby Gates

Yesterday was one of those days.

The kind when you frantically message your husband on Facebook and say something along the lines of "I need you to go to Target and pick up the new baby gate that I just ordered and paid for online and bring it home as soon as you can and assemble it in place of the old gate across the stairs because it's just not working anymore!!!!"

Only in real life the message was split up into a dozen small hastily sent fragments, typed with one hand while making sure the baby didn't attempt to lay siege to the stairs yet again.

I'm pretty sure it was "one of those days" because Saturday was so perfect and everyone had been absolutely and completely on their best behavior at the exact same time all day Saturday.  The scales of the balance needed to swing back a bit in the opposite direction to even things out.

Is it strange that while I was picking out the baby gate on the website while scanning for the words "in stock now" I was estimating how long it would last?

Ah yes, an accordion style wooden gate.  Are those metal connecting pieces?  I think so.  We've had two of those... it might last for... six months before they destroy it.... six months is a good run for a baby gate in this house.  And it drills into the wall.  None of those pressure plates.  Ridiculous.  The kids can take those out in an afternoon.  Let's do it.

Except it arrived with only plastic wall connecting pieces... so maybe it'll only last four months.  Or two.

Maggie and James are as thick as thieves.  He looks up to her and has apparently decided to follow in her footsteps... straight up the walls.

When Maggie was tiny she started climbing things.  Of course, she walked first, taking her first steps at 10 months and walking across the room on her first birthday.

James has decided to skip walking and go straight to climbing.

On Sunday Patch and Maggie spent the day opening the baby gate (which apparently wasn't all the "baby" proof anyways) and encouraging him to sprint climb our stair case before I could get to him.

He's surprisingly good at it.  He's also mastered reckless climbs up onto the dining room chairs and the couch.

Falling does not appear to deter him in the least.

The new gate, at three feet tall, doesn't deter Maggie in the least.  She can easily swing herself over it in a matter of moments.

James and Patch, on the other hand are now stuck downstairs until I lift the handle.

Which reminds me, I still haven't blogged about James' latest doctor's appointment.

At James' last neurology appointment he narrowly avoided being sent for a sedated MRI.

He's a big fan of his left arm and his left leg.  He's not a big fan of using his right arm or his right leg if he can help it.

He drags his right leg a little when he pushes his little walker during PT, and his right ankle tips inward and wobbles wildly from side to side and forward out over his toes.  And while he demonstrated great fine motor skills with his left hand, he carefully avoids using his right.

However at his neuro appointment the neurologist offered him a marble, but only if he took it with his right hand.

Apparently James had never ever seen anything in his life he wanted (to eat) as much as that marble and he was willing to use his right hand to get it if that was the only way it was going to happen.

Then we had to wrestle it away from him as he clung on to it for dear life and attempted to pop it into his mouth.  His grip on his right hand seems just fine when he does use it.

So he bought himself a three month (and hopefully forever) reprieve from going under for a look at the part of his brain that controls gross motor movement.  And I'm supposed to call when he started taking steps on his own, or after his next PT appointment depending on whether his PT wants to wait until he's up and about or get them right away, to get a prescription sent over for orthotics for that wobbly foot.

And as you can probably tell from the start of this post, both his right arm and leg seem perfectly capable of climbing our very steep staircase, so I have a feeling by his next appointment he won't need that MRI at all.

On Toddler Bickering and Peace

I made it seven years as a mother with virtually no children fighting.  That time has ended now, but I'm still shocked that it lasted as long as it did.

I know, it's basically unbelievable.

I sometimes have thought that it's a perk of the specific challenges that our family has faced.  For whatever reasons, with Sadie's temperament and Mae's personality, they just didn't/don't fight.
Therapists and social workers have come to the house and commented on how odd it is.  I'd like to claim that it's something that I've done, but I know it's not.

It's not as though our house is either silent or peaceful.  My children are like a small herd of elephants trampling from one side of the house to the other.  Something breaks almost everyday.  Sometimes it's furniture.  "Can you brace that with a straight brace and an L-bracket" are words my husband frequently hears.  We just installed triple locks on the kitchen baby gate and it took Maggie less than 24 hours to figure them all out.  And I say "please don't jump on the couch" about fifty time a day.

But fighting just wasn't their thing.

And up until now there's this weird thing that has happened.  When Sadie was small and Maggie wanted a toy, Sadie would let Maggie have it.  Then Patch came along and when he was tiny and he was insisting that a toy was his, both girls would immediately hand the toy over.

I'd watch and think that this was truly too good to be true as each two year old suddenly stunned me by proving that they actually could share.

But it lasted for longer than I could have hoped.  Even our two year olds were ridiculously enchanted by every baby they come across.

Then James came along and has, of late, reached the stage where he's turned into a little tyrant.  He sees someone else playing with a toy, any toy, and he wants it.  He zooms across the room and grabs it from one of his older siblings hands.

And... they let him have it.  Even Patch joins in, while saying "Buddy!" with a little laugh.

But the fighting, which surely couldn't stay away for ever, has arrived in the form of Patch and Maggie and their daily battles.

Someone is always touching someone's arm.  One of them just pinched the other one.  Maggie wants the light in the playroom on and Patch wants to turn it off and on and off again.  Patch tripped and fell and is crying too loud.

He's no longer little enough that she thinks every sound he makes is adorable.

They don't fight all the time (unless we're in Mass... then it's just about all the time), but they definitely go through half hour stretched where they go around the house constantly annoying the daylights out of one another.  And as annoying as it can be, it also kind of amazes me because this has to be a developmental stage, doesn't it?  It feels like it is.

Still, Patch and Maggie are exceptionally close.  As Patch has hit language milestones, Maggie often follows just a step behind, beginning to use words and phrases just as Patch starts using them.  Developmentally she's following close behind him in many ways and sometimes I feel like this might be kind of what it's like to have two year old twins.

For all their fighting though, they're also rather inseparable.  When Maggie goes to therapy Patch frets about where she is.

And then there he and I had this conversation as I was getting the kids ready for Mass this past Sunday.

Patch: "So cute!"
Me:  "Who's so cute Patchy?"
Patch:  "So cute!  Maggie!  So cute!"
Me:  "She is cute, isn't she?"
Patch:  "Yeah.  Tummy!  Tummy hurt!"
Me:  "Does your tummy hurt?"
Patch: "Maggie!  Maggie tummy hurt!  Maggie tummy!  Tummy hurt!"

I glanced over at Maggie who was playing happily. She appeared to be perfectly fine.

Patch had been sick earlier in the week, but everyone had been healthy for at least three days.
I didn't think too much of it until I came out of the store from running in to pick up a few things a few hours later and Paul told me that Maggie had in fact gotten sick.  Patch had been right.  There'd been no obvious signs that I could see while I spent the morning with her, but he had seen something that I didn't.

I guess I have to put a little more stock in Patch's Maggie observations.  For all their arguing they are exceptionally close and he seems to have some extra insight on what's going on with her, that even I don't see.

The Grump

Sadie has been the giver of nicknames in this family since she first began to speak.  Maggie became Mae Bae because Sadie could say her entire name (or baby) and so she shortened both of them.

Patch started out as "Pokie Boy" (because he was such a slow poke and took so long to get here, she explained) and then "Bippie Baby" and finally Patch (or Boomer depending on who you ask).

Now it's James turn.

Grumpy Baby.  Grumpy Cat.  Grumpasaurus Rex.  Grumpkin.  Mr. Grumpfish.  Tommy Brock (apparently James reminds his biggest sister of a story book badger...).  She tests out a new nickname every day.  Sometimes she runs through all of them at once as she gushes about his cute grumpiness.

He has a lot of nickname to live up to.  And he's doing his best to make his big sister proud:

The First Time Patch said "I Love You!"

Cuddling under his brother's baby blanket...

Yesterday we ended up going to the latest Mass of the day, which on any day for our family is recipe for disaster.  To be honest, any Mass after 9 am tends to fall into that category, so the latest Mass on the day that we fall back an hour was a super ultra recipe for disaster.  But with Paul working very late and getting very little sleep all week end, braving the late Mass seemed a better solution than asking him not to sleep at all.

Sadie and I spent the first half of Mass inside with James, but then I heard an unmistakable shriek coming from the narthex and decided to see if Paul needed a little back up.  He didn't.  By the time I got there everything was fine.  But by then they had seen me and well... there was no going back (if Mae sees me leave a room, ever, she becomes totally and completely hysterical... and it doesn't stop for... I don't know... a very, very long time, or until I come back... or she's in her own room.).

The trouble maker, however, was Patch.  He was in fine form.  He wanted to sprint and dance and walk around and say "hi" to all the pretty young women who were there.  Most of all he wanted to go around the corner and hide from us and laugh loudly at his own naughtiness.

There was one exceptionally cute moment, before the typical not-quite-two-year-old behavior got out of hand, that pretty much melted my heart.  At the consecration, just as the bells rang, Patch turned rushed over to me and said "I love you Buddy" as he threw his arms around his baby wrap covered brother and hugged him as tightly as he could, while I made sure that the little guy could still breath.

Then our time was up.  Paul had Sadie and James and I stay, while he took the melting down little ones out to the car.

They have a time limit at Mass it seems.  It had been over an hour since it started and they were done (there's a high chance of that happening even in the morning... they're not good for more than sixty minutes of silence and it isn't unusual for our Mass to be 70-80 plus minutes...).

But all night and even this morning my heart has been warmed thinking of him saying "I love you" to his little brother.  It's the first time I've ever heard him say the words to anyone.  Sometimes when I say I love you to him he'll say "Too!  Too!" but to hear him say the words to James makes this mom's heart full to bursting!  Even after a particularly trying night wrangling them during Mass.

Pure mischief!

He thinks he's big enough to wear his brother in the sling...

Not quite little guy... not quite...

In our PJs earlier yesterday morning...

Giving a kiss while holding his pirate sword!

Meeting his Brother and Sisters...

If you're hanging around here the next few days you'll probably be subjected to a huge amount of baby pictures... because, let's face it, I'm pretty much running my camera battery into the ground every single day!  

Today James got to meet his brother and sisters... and he thought it was a little overwhelming.

But they could hardly wait to meet him.

In the morning we cuddled and snuggled and after refusing to nurse for most of the night he finally got on board with the idea when he woke up this morning.  He nursed like a champ yesterday, but at night he already seems more interested in sleeping than eating.  

He seems to be taking after Maggie with the whole sleeping long stretches while I fret that he needs to wake up and nurse.  But I've definitely begun to realize that when he wakes up and wants to nurse he does just that and when I wake him up and insist he eat he acts snuggles up to me and closes his eyes and mouth and refuses to open them.  

Dare I hope that the trend continue as it did with Patchy and Mae?  I'm almost afraid to imagine having three laid back, easy going babies in a row.  I guess time will tell.

Right now he's laying in his bassinet at the end of the bed watching me type, while he yawns and looks sleepy.

Not unlike his sleepiness during this moment earlier today.

Now for my favorite pictures of the day.  

He had quite a lot to say when he met his biggest big sister:

She was so good with him.  And he was so overwhelmed by all of his siblings in our little room at the same side.  She did get to cuddle him a bit though!

As you can probably imagine, she was pretty thrilled to meet him.

Maggie was pretty thrilled to find a flower in my room and a super comfy bed.  She immediately claimed the prime spot and wrapped herself in my blankets.

A first family picture?  Kind of!

And of course James got to meet Grumpa...

And Nani...

Maggie got a huge grin on her face the moment she spotted him.

But she wasn't quite sure she wanted to share the bed with him.  Even with Momma's help:

Patch was less sure.  He smiles when he hears the word brother, but when asked if he wanted to meet his brother he'd say "Okay.  Okay." and then head off in the opposite direction.  So I brought James down to his level and he couldn't resist:

After his sibling left with Nani and Grumpa, James went back to napping.

And on a totally random note, guess what they're filming this week a few miles from the hospital.

I actually snapped this when we were leaving the autism lab the other day because the museum of modern art is right next to the psych department and after wondering what they were doing to the building, Paul heard that they were filming part of the new Batman/Superman movie there.  And the news is reporting that that is exactly what's going on this week, so I guess it's true!

Here's the picture I snapped of the outside of the set as we were driving by!

Now to get a little bit more rest. For some reason I seem to be the one who's wide awake all night still while Paul and James both have no problem drifting off to dreams!

Getting the Big Kids Ready for a Baby: My Strategy

A First Time Big Sister!

Over the past five years, since we first introduced Sadie to Maggie, I've given quite a bit of thought to the subject of adding new siblings to the family.  The first thing that I found when I was pregnant with Sadie was how utterly ridiculous many of the articles I ran across (usually in parenting magazines) were.  There was no way I was going to be reassuring my older child that I "would still love them" when the new baby gets here.  Of course I would still love them and they're shown love every single day... but reassuring them and telling them not to worry that they would still be loved seemed to put an idea into a busy little mind that wasn't already there. 

In a way it reminds me of an article that I read recently about an Italian politician who made the mistake of saying that he is not an authoritarian dictator, and how that statement instantly set in the minds of the people that he is just that.  The article compared it to Nixon saying "I am not a crook" and how saying those specific words, instead of saying something positive (like maybe "I'm an honorable man") instantly put it into the minds of the American people that a crook was exactly what he was.

In my mind, "Don't worry Sweetie, when the new baby get's here we'll still love you just as much" falls directly into the category of things to never, ever say... and that's the problem that I have with many of the "new sibling" books that are out there. 

Our new baby welcoming strategy is a little different.  We talk about babies.  All of our kids, from Sadie to Maggie to Patch have loved looking at the pictures of babies in utero in the pregnancy books that I have.  Most of my books are now taped together and worn.  Pages fall out constantly and I keep taping them back in. 

When Sadie was tiny she was fascinated with a picture of a baby with an "icky belly button," always kissed the picture of a little swaddle baby near the front of one of my books and quickly turned the page and refused to look at the picture of the baby nursing, which lead me to worry (since she'd only been weaned a few month before) that she'd be jealous of the baby nursing when the baby arrived (although that didn't turn out to be the case). 

A fun little tradition we've also come up with is taking the kids out after we find out the baby's gender and allowing them (and us too) to each pick out a small gift to give the baby in the hospital.  It's exciting for them to go into the store and pick out something for a new little brother or sister.  And it's always interesting to see what they pick out.  For our latest baby the presents turned out looking like this:



Sadie's choice

Maggie's choice...
covered in kisses before we left the store

Patch's choice.
He had some help from Daddy.

Daddy's choice.

 

Mommy's choice.

The most amusing part of the trip was Sadie's insistence from the time we got to the store that she knew what the baby needed.  She would be picking out something to swaddle the baby and that was that.  When we were in California she also convinced Nani to take her to buy a pacifier for the baby.  So you can see what she thinks babies need: to be swaddled and "binked" (as she would say). 

The other half of our little tradition is that I make (or buy depending on my level of preparation and budget) little presents for each of the kids that the baby will give them when they come to the hospital to meet him for the first time. 

Mostly these days though, I have it easy when it comes to introductions.  Sadie is over the moon about the new baby.  She talks about him all the time.  Maggie seems to love every single baby that she sees.  Patch is clearly "her baby" and now her partner in crime, but she lights up just about every time she sees a little one and heads in their direction, so I imagine her reaction will be the same as the last time which alternated between ignoring the baby entirely and dancing in front of him to entertain him and wishing she could scoop him up and hold him. 

Patch is the loose canon.  He is very much "the baby" who has been spoiled in the extreme... by his big sisters.  When he wants something he gets it... usually from other little hands that rejoice in seeing him smile.  Yet he's nicknamed the baby "Bubble" on his own and talks about having a "brubber" with excitement so I think that his big sister's impatience to meet the newest addition to the family is spreading. 

I guess that is the key that we've found to easing the transition each time a new addition arrives has been fairly simple (so far) for us: excitement.  Everyone is excited to meet the new baby and the day is looked forward to with anticipation.  There's a lot of talk about how big the bigger siblings are and how blessed the baby is to have such wonderful big sisters (and now a big brother too) and how fortunate we are to have been blessed with another baby to love.

So far the strategy has felt completely natural and has worked really well for us. 

Do you have ideas/traditions/strategies for welcoming a new baby?  I know I have at least one reader who would love to hear them (and if you have any book suggestions you've loved feel free to throw that in too!)!

Patch and Mae and the Fear I Might Have Had

Since Mae was diagnosed last October I've often thought about how much more intimidating the idea of pregnancy and adding to our family would have been if she'd had a diagnosis before Patrick was born.  If we'd known then how little changes could be overwhelming, it would have seemed almost unthinkable to do something as life changing as adding another person to our family.

The first visit in the hospital to meet her brother

After all, a change of scenery can leave us all reeling (I was up at 4-something this morning dealing with someone having a very, very, very hard time), and doing something like coming home from the grocery store without a warning like "We're going home from the grocery store. Right now.  We're driving home to our house and getting out of the car and going inside." can cause an hour of tears, despite the fact that the grocery store is always the last thing on our to do list when we're out running errands so it's not exactly unexpected (in my mind at least).

Logically, if little changes can have such an impact, you'd think that fitting another baby into our not-so-big house would be earth shattering.

Except that it wasn't.  Maybe it helped that we weren't in a position for life to be all that different when Patch arrived. Since I'd been sick and in the hospital at 36 weeks, all our extra hands and extra help had been poured into that time (when it was very much needed) and I found myself, post c-section, at home by myself with a four year old, a two year old and a brand new baby the day after I got home from the hospital.  Paul was back at school day and night and my parents, who'd spent weeks helping out, really had to get back to California after an already longer-than-expected trip.

So we did the only thing we could do.  We hit the ground running.

Patch split his time between a bassinet I set up behind the baby gate in the kitchen and dozing in the Moby Wrap while we went about days that looked more or less like the days that had come before he arrived.

And honestly now I can't imagine it any other way.  Sometimes as I watch Patch and Mae playing together I can't imagine a more constant, consistent type of "therapy."

It started around the time that Patch learned to crawl.  At that point he decided that Maggie was pretty much the most spectacular person the planet.  He followed her around the house all day long.  For the first few months she evaded him.  She climbed up on top of the toy chest where he couldn't reach her... and he found that he had extra motivation to learn to stand.

Still, unconditional, unwavering love is hard to resist and Mae was no exception.

Once he learned to walk it was pretty much all over.  She'd given up on getting away from him at some point in the previous five months and they'd become partners in crime.  I'd come into the play room and discover that she'd handed him an apple sauce and was watching proudly while he smeared it on the windows.

Over the course of the last few days Mae has gradually been adjusting to being in California.  It hasn't been a horrible transition, but it hasn't been easy either.  She's waking up early, upset with the time change, and is absolutely adamant that she doesn't want to leave the house to go outside and play (which is where we spend most of our time here).

Mae peering over the baby gate at Patch in his
bassinet.

Yesterday I took her on a walk, which she was okay with, and then tried to ease into play time on the front porch by going straight up and trying to convince her that it was really super fun outside with the little pools and toys.  She headed off around the corner and sat down by herself.  And that was when Patch ran after her.  He found her in tears around the corner before anyone else could get to her and began to yell "uh-oh, uh-oh!" in a panicked voice, staying with her until she was happily back inside (after she grudgingly stayed out to eat a popsicle) before going off to play.

And that was only the beginning of Patch looking out for his big sister.  Later in the day we went to the store.  As I leaned over to reach the dairy free yogurt Patch started to sound the alarm.  "Uh-oh!  Uh-oh!  Uh-oh!"  I looked up to see him pointing at his sister (who was in my cart) and turned to see that she'd leaned as far as she could out of the cart and had managed to reach a display of gluten filled rolls and was frantically trying to open them before I noticed.  Patch had saved the day.

Later in the afternoon everyone was relaxing before dinner.  Mae had been coloring in the dining room, but Nani and I both heard when her little feet pitter pattered into the kitchen to pillage the refrigerator.  We both realized at the same time that the lock that Grumpa had made apparently wasn't on it at that moment.  Patch went charging into the kitchen yelling his little alarm and while Nani secured the fridge he ran across the room to a baby gate that wasn't up (the door was closed and Mae hadn't bothered it) and hauled it across the room to Nani to insist that she put it up immediately.  He then stood and watched while she went to work before returning to the living room, content.

Perhaps the best part, however, is that the concern is mutual.  If Patch starts to cry there's a good chance Mae will come over and touch his cheek.  If I can't get him to stop, tears are likely to start to roll down her own cheeks as she points at him, upset that he's upset, demonstrating that she very much does possess empathy, especially when it comes to her little brother.

A couple of weeks ago Mae was walking across the room when she stopped and stared at Patch. Then she walked over and threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.  I watched, making sure she didn't squish him in her overzealous cuddle.  Then she turned and walked over to the wall, a funny look on her face.  She pulled a chair over and climbed up and stared at the picture, a small smile on her lips.  She sighed and stared at one particular picture before climbing back down and going play.  And the picture?  It was this one:

 
At the end of a follow up evaluation with the local university a few weeks ago I called Sadie and Patch into the room so the evaluator could see the three of them together.  Patch came charging over.  He immediately sat down as close to his sister as he could get and started coloring on the same piece of paper, right next to her.  She didn't bat an eye and we watched as they took turns with the crayons, side by side.

And so as we begin to think about preparing to welcome another baby boy, I find myself not all that worried about how this particular change will effect the rhythm of life within our four walls.  I'm sure we'll all have our moments, just as we would if things were staying exactly as they are... but I've also seen how our girl can rise to the challenge of major changes and how they've helped her grow in ways that I could never have imagined if I'd been looking at our situation through the lens of fear that can sometimes surround even the smallest changes in our routine.

After all, if there's one thing we've learned it's that the greatest joys I've witnessed for our little group have been the result of letting our hearts stretch to contain the challenges and happiness that this call to love brings... and it sometimes seems that the challenges and joy so often come hand in hand when they show up at our door!