Train World: Awaiting Destructo-Baby

After getting the girls to bed tonight I undertook a project that was pretty necessary if I was going to regain control (temporarily) of my living room.  I needed to rebuild the girls train world.  It had been almost entirely destroyed by the girls yesterday.  I'd tried to rebuild it earlier in the day, when they were awake, but quickly gave up because I had so much.... help...  

And hour after I began building I had this:

I bet it's completely destroyed by noon tomorrow.  Especially with all the bridges I built.  What was I thinking?  Bridges are just begging Mae to destroy them!

But hey... I'm sure the girls will appreciate their godzilla fun...

Shopping with Sadie...

We did our Thanksgiving shopping at Walmart today, along with what felt like every other family in the immediate vicinity.  I don't know how the store can be so crowded.  There's at least one Walmart off of every freeway exit around us.  There's one on the major road south of where we live and there's one a block north.  If you go west a few major roads there's another Walmart there.  They pop up every few miles, in giant sprawling super stores.  And they're brimming with people whenever we go.

As we filed down aisle after aisle in a train-like row of carts, with traffic jams likely anytime anyone paused, Sadie paused her attempts of twirling, escaping holding hands, and jumping up before landing and giving me a good hard yank, to look behind us.  She noticed the line.  Thus began the following conversation:

Sadie:  "They're following me!"
Me:  "They're not following you."  At this point we rounded the corner and entered another aisle.
Sadie:  Glancing behind us in the new aisle:  "They're following me!"  Looking over her shoulder:  "Help!  Help me!  Help!"
Me:  "They're not following you!  They're shopping."
Sadie:  With a giggle this time:  "They're following me."

Our Walmart shopping trip wasn't just for food though.  I realized upon going through the girls' closet that Sadie had no pants above a size 4.  She's a size 6 now.  Since it is starting to cool off, and since we've apparently adjusted to the tropical weather (at least we've kind of adjusted) and 65 feels pretty cold after three months of 85+ with 100% humidity, I decided we needed to buy her a few pairs of pants, on the off chance that it someday falls below 70 degrees during the day.

We picked out three pairs of Walmart's $5 stretch pants and three of their long t-shirts (in size 7-8 so Sadie doesn't outgrow them in a month).  Sadie thinks they're pretty great pajamas.  However I'm not sure I'll convince her to wear them out of the house for anything other than running.  On of Sadie's new favorite activities is going for a run.  I'm thinking of trying to start each day this way, to help Sadie burn off a little extra energy.  Since she was "exercising" (her words: "I want to exercise with you Mommy! Are you exercising Mommy?) she agreed to wear shorts and a t-shirt (I managed to find two that kind of fit).  But as soon as we arrived home she came and found me with a dress and announced that she was ready to be a princess ballerina again.  I have a feeling those pants will be worn like tights under a "princess ballerina" dress.

I also saw something rather disturbing before we left the girl's clothing section.  There was an underwear display that I ran across full of thongs (not the shoe kind).  They started in the size below Sadie's size.  Does anyone else think that's totally insane?  She's three and they're selling thongs in her size?  At the rate Mae is growing they'll likely be in her size by the time she's two.  Do they actually sell those things?  Yuck.

Making a List...

We're doing our Thanksgiving Food shopping today and I just finished my list.  When Paul and I were dating I made Thanksgiving dinner (not on Thanksgiving) for him, using recipes I'd gotten from that year's Real Simple magazine.  A few other recipes have been added in, but this year I'm going to use, for the most part, recipes from that first year.  

And here's the list so far...  I still need to call Nani to get the recipe for her blackberry jello dessert.  But I think everything else is there!

Turkey

Dressing

Cranberry Sauce

Green Bean Casserole

Sweet Potatoes

Mashed Potatoes

Rolls (my sweet rolls using lemon lime soda!)

Apple Cider

Parsley

Celery

Yellow Onions

Garlic

3 Granny Smith Apples

5 lbs sweet potatoes

5 lbs potatoes

Turkey

Kosher Salt

Flour

Molasses

Corn Bread Mix

Mint Jelly

Canned Corn

Green Beans

French Fried Onions

Cream of Mushroom Soup

Lemon Lime Soda

Unsalted Butter (2)

Salted Buter (2)

Sour Cream

Heavy Cream

Cream Cheese (3)

Milk

12 oz bag cranberries

Silver Shoes and a Silver Snood!

I have a pair of gold glitter ballet flats that I wore to our wedding reception a little over five years ago.  As my favorite pair of shoes, they've gotten a lot of wear in the past 5 years and were starting to look a little bit ragged (okay, they kind of look like they might fall apart at any time).  A few weeks ago at Walmart I found the shoes below in the girls' section while we were looking for shoes for black church shoes for Sadie and Mae.  They were $12, but they were size 6 (I'm an 8 1/2).  I tried them on and was pretty excited when they fit (sparkly!  silver!  rounded toe!  $12!).

Now my favorite shoes have inspired a few new headcoverings.  I found this fabric this weekend and when Sadie saw it she started jumping up and down and giggling.  It definitely has the 3 year old seal of approval.  

First are two pictures of a headcovering sewn as a covering/convertible headband.  I'll have to have Paul snap some pictures soon, because these aren't posted on my shop quite yet!

First folded as a headband:

As a covering:

And of course I had to make a snood too!  

You may notice a slightly red, slightly swollen, slightly more crooked looking nose in the pictures.  I somehow managed to slam my nose into a closet door after Mass this morning (how clumsy can I be?!?!?!) and while the swelling is much better than it was this morning, the new crookedness (there was old crookedness too, because it has been broken twice before) is lower down on the opposite side. After five minutes of debating with Paul (apparently the way it looked immediately after the incident was rather scary) it was agreed that I wouldn't go to the hospital (he said go, I said, no way... they won't do anything and I am not wasting my day sitting around waiting for them to tell me that my nose is broken and that I should see a specialist.).

I have developed a nervousness around open doors of all kinds.  I found myself being a little jumpy every time I turned around and saw a cabinet open.  This is my second run in with the kitchen closet in the past couple weeks.... unfortunately if my years of dance and martial arts haven't cured my clumsiness, I don't think there's much hope for it be lessened any time soon!  

In Search of a New Class...

What a day.  I dropped Sadie and Paul off at the dance class and headed to Joann's Fabrics with Mae to take advantage of the super coupons I got last time I was there (purple velvet!  shiny silver!  green velvet! More holiday headcoverings on the way!).  When I got back Paul and Sadie were waiting outside.  Upon climbing into the car Paul said that when Sadie had come out of the class and he'd asked she'd said she had fun, but a little while later she'd said:  "I didn't have fun at dance class today.  I got in trouble."  In a very small voice.  Paul was a little suspicious because when the teacher had come out he'd been waiting to ask her a question, but she avoided eye contact and avoiding talking to him.  

We've had dance related problems twice before today (today makes it three times in three months).  After a month of being gleefully happy about going to class the teacher had come out and said that Sadie was being wiggly, and she wanted to know what word I used to get her to hold still.  Two months in (last month) they'd called and said she had been better for a while, but was being wiggly again (this was around the time I was sick and in the hospital). The teacher agreed to bring Sadie out to me if there was a problem, for a short time out.  After that we started working again on "staying on her spot" and listening to the teacher.  Still, after the last conversation I'd just about had it.

We'd picked the class because it was supposedly a fun, non-competitive class for 3 year olds.  The other three year old class in the area I looked at required an "audition" (I'm not kidding).  But now the teacher was making comments about how it wasn't important for her to be able to memorize the routine until after Christmas.

That made me really wonder about what the future expectations were going to be and whether they were even vaguely realistic.  In my 13 years of dance I never saw a 3 year old class perform on stage in a situation where a teacher wasn't off in the wings, showing them what they were supposed to be doing.  I'd seen plenty of very cute routines, but they were often cute because of the mistakes and the giggles and wiggles.

So... fast forward to this afternoon when Sadie and I went shopping.  While we were in the store I tried to get Sadie to tell me more (in the car she just looked sad and whispered and said she was in trouble and that class wasn't fun anymore).  Finally, after avoiding and telling me she wanted to lay down and that the teddy bears that were in the dairy aisle were soft, she spilled and started talking.  With her little arms crossed across her chest, looking down at the floor she began to answer my questions.  No, she hadn't been in time out.  She hadn't been running around.  She said she'd been listening.  And the teacher had yelled at her and she didn't know what she'd done.  She finished with what? what? what?  As we walked down another aisle she said that she didn't want to go back.  "Don't make me go back Mommy" was repeated at least twice down the freezer aisle.

I knew that there was obviously more to the story, but by the time we left the store I also knew that we wouldn't be sending her back to the class.  Sadie tends to be honest to a fault when asked about having done something wrong.  She confesses to pretty much everything.  I'll be in the kitchen cooking and she'll walk in and say: "Mommy, I pulled Mae Bae."

When I was talking to her it was pretty obvious that she had no idea why she'd been in trouble (I'm guessing that's a big part of why she was so upset, because when she's done something she usually confesses, apologizes and accepts being in trouble without a word of complaint).

Paul called the school and left a message and a nervous sounding message was returned on his phone saying that when Sadie was sitting on the ground she'd been wiggling and kicking her legs in front of her and had kicked her neighbor and that they'd said "Sadie please keep your legs still out in front of you" but that that was all that had happened and that they were sorry she hadn't had fun.  When asked if she'd kicked anyone Sadie was adamant that she hadn't.  I can definitely see her bumping someone with her leg when she's wiggly.  But I also am pretty sure by the way she's acted pretty much all day that it was more than just a few words telling her to stop.  From what the teachers said she was talking to her about wiggling pretty much every week in October and Sadie was never phased by being told not to wiggle.

Paul called back and removed her from the class.  I'd really like to find a Mommy and Me class of some sort where the don't take the kids into another room and close all the doors and windows.  I'm hoping we'll find a place that understands that a three year old class is about fun and that three year olds tend to be a little wiggly.  And hopefully it will be a place where the teacher will come out and get me or Paul if there's a problem, instead of avoiding us after class.

Thoughts on Suffering and Comfort

I’ve been mulling over the concept of being “comfortable” and the concept of suffering after a recent online debate that I was involved in.  When I began learning about Catholicism, I’ll admit that the understanding of suffering was one of the first things that made sense to me.  I’d never really been exposed to the idea (or hadn’t been paying attention if I had) that suffering could bring us closer to God.  The concept that we could “offer up” our pain was also certainly quite foreign. 

That’s why I’ve found it so disturbing over the past few years when I’ve read things that were written by other Catholics basically renouncing their belief in God because he “allowed” x horrible thing(s) to happen in their lives and if there was truly a God, he wouldn’t let it happen.  The idea of God as Santa Claus was certainly one that I struggled with in the past, although I’m not exactly sure where it came from.  I’d formed my own little belief of “if you’re good, God will protect you and good things will happen” that was bound to come crashing down by the time I reached adulthood.  And perhaps that’s why I find it so upsetting when I see others saying the same thing. 

The debate I was in more recently involved the word “comfortable” and whether or not we are supposed to be “comfortable” in this life.  In the conversation I was having, any sort of hardship seemed to be labeled “bad,” with a life of comfort in this world being seen as the goal of our labors.  I’ll admit that I instinctively find something troubling about the thought.  Being comfortable and successful in this life isn’t supposed to be our goal.  Besides, when we’re comfortable we don’t often go out seeking God, because the word seems to imply that we’re happy where we are.  And I just don’t remember reading about many (any?) saints who were “comfortable” in this life. 

The path to Sainthood isn’t supposed to be “comfortable.”  It requires heroic effort.  And the tragedy in this life won’t be we weren’t materially comfortable and happy with our careers.  The only tragedy would be not achieving sainthood. 

Apparently that idea is very, very offensive (as I was told many times in the conversation I was having).  The response I was given was that we are supposed to have comfort and be “happy” (because I’d pointed out that happiness in this life wasn’t something we’re promised) on earth.  And that there’s Nothing.  Wrong.  With. That.  

There isn’t anything wrong with happiness.  But the “happiness” that we seek through material goods and earthly pleasures and our own accomplishments is nothing compared with the joy we might gain by striving to live out God’s plan for our lives. 

Another idea I found somewhat off base was the idea that we know what will make us happy.  I think many of us can think of instances where it was the exact thing we least expected that brought us the most joy.  As much as we cling to our carefully crafted plans (and I am totally a list maker and a planner) what God has in mind to form our hearts and souls always seems to be infinitely better. 

And often times we are formed by suffering, and specifically, our response to suffering.  We can become bitter.  We can cling to belongings and plans, which can increase our suffering, beyond what it needs to be.  Or we can turn towards God and say “not my will, but yours be done.” 

It’s not easy.  I know it’s not.  That’s the prayer I found myself saying over and over again in the hospital in between “please save my baby… but not my will but yours be done… and if it’s your will that this baby be in heaven… then help me accept it…” a few months ago. 

For me that acceptance and reliance on God did make the suffering bearable, particularly in the weeks that followed our loss.  I found myself comforted and very much felt God’s presence in a very tangible way in my life and throughout my prayers in those immediate days.  The condolences I received in the weeks that followed, especially when I managed to cling to my daily prayers, were there when God must have known that I most needed them, although I must admit that my prayer life is back to normal now, with my personal daily struggles of remembering to pray, or feeling sleeping, or being distracted. 

God offers us comfort in this life.  He knows what we need and, if we turn to Him, will not allow us to be crushed under the weight of our sorrow.  But he doesn’t promise that we will be comfortable.  After all the gate wouldn’t be narrow (Matthew 7: 12-14) if this whole thing was supposed to be easy.  

Our Home Altar

I've been meaning to do this for a while and had a sort of home altar in a corner of our bedroom.  But I always found myself praying beside a certain window (next to this dresser) in our dining room that light pours in through during the morning hours.  So this morning I cleared off the top, emptied two drawers and got to work.  

Here's the top:

The drawer (arranged so you can see it before I stacked everything in, in a more practical manner!):

Paul's rosary is the green one.  Mine is the cobalt one:

A close up:

The Mae Monster

Mae Bae is in the midst of a "phase" and yesterday that phase was more evident than ever.  It began with a round of "She's touching me."  While the girls were sitting next to each other Sadie's foot barely touched Mae's (I think that's how it started) and Mae let out an indignant scream. At one point Sadie would have been concerned about the scream, but I think she's begun to take her sister's fussing with a grain of salt.

At bedtime Mae's antics increased.  Sadie brought over a Go Diego Go book and I read it to the girls.  They sat, staring at the book after it was over and when I said "okay I'll read it again" the words were met with big smiles.  But then the story was over.  Mae Bae handed it to me after I put it down, with an expectant look.  When I said: "No Mae, we've got to get your pajamas on" as I scooped her up, she let out a scream and threw her book on the floor.  Putting on her pajamas quickly deteriorated when she realized, after being fine with wearing Lightening McQueen PJs when I put them on, that her big sister was wearing a t-shirt with princess PJ bottoms.  This was apparently a great injustice that resulted in actual, rather than fake, tears (Mae must have worn hers more recently and they must be in the dirty clothes).

I have some idea how our little monster has been created (in addition to it being "the age").  When Mae Bae sees her sister with a toy that she wants she'll let out a cry.  And Sadie will run over and give her sister the toy, and laugh when she smiles at getting her way.  It's great that Sadie is so good at sharing.  Now if only Mae Bae could begin to learn to share her toys.  It doesn't work so well with her big sister wrapped around her little finger.  Maybe that's partially why Sadie's prayers are so persistent.  She's ready for Mae Bae to be a big sister.  This morning the first thing she told me when she woke up was that she was going to be the little sister today and that Mae Bae was the big sister.  I can't help but wonder if Mae Bae's antics have something to do with that statement!

Grand Central Station in Our Living Room

Sadie and Mae are pretty excited about the new addition to the living room, although there is some disagreement about whether Mae is allowed to tough it.  Here Sadie is, celebrating the three hours of work it took for me to build the table, and then put the set together following the carefully laid out map:

We're still super excited about finding this table.  We had a gift certificate gift from Gramma and Grampa and this table was on super sale.  Paul and I didn't even realize it came with all of the trains, we thought it would have a basic train set inside, but thought we were mostly just paying for the table.  Our house now looks like grand central station.

I think it's even more spectacular than Sadie had imagined when she was looking at the box!

Reason #5391 That I'm Glad I Found an NFP Doctor...

I keep forgetting to write my final post surgery update!

I went in for my post D&C appointment last Friday.  My recovery is right on track and everything seems to be going back to normal.

I have to say that every time I go in to my doctor's office I leave excited to have found a doctor that actually understands cycles, doesn't pressure me to do anything that I don't want to do, and doesn't look at me like I'm a crazy person who's claiming to have some secret knowledge that no one could possibly know when I mention any cycle related information.  During the miscarriage it got really old trying to explain to the doctors that I had really long cycles post partum after Mae (when they finally came back) and that I was fourteen weeks along, not sixteen weeks along because I knew when I ovulated.  There was lots of spluttering "You know what?!?! How!" that made me want to respond: "Seriously, you're a doctor!  This isn't rocket science!"

And it was a huge relief to have a doctor that had and idea of what was going on when I explained the following:

"I've been thinking about the last pregnancy a lot and I think I might have realized something.  Since I was a teenager I had migraines around the end of my cycle and the start of the next one.  As I've gotten older, the migraines got worse.  They were terrible during my pregnancies with Sadie and Mae.  And after Mae was born they increased and I started having an aura where half of my face and hands go numb and I slur my words.  They were happening all the time.  And then I found out that I was pregnant this last time and they stopped.  Completely.  Or almost completely.  I had one during the entire pregnancy.  At first I thought that was a good thing.  But the more I think about it the more I wonder whether the hormone that causes the migraines wasn't really there this time around."

She immediately understood and said the name of the hormone I'd been thinking was probably low and I left the office with a prescription for progesterone.

I have a feeling that most of the doctors I've seen in the past would have said: "Hmmm... Okay...  Do you want a prescription for The Pill?" if I'd told them that same story.

It's also nice to have a doctor who looks horrified when I told the story of how, with my pregnancy with Mae the doctor waited until an appointment when Paul wasn't with me (late in the pregnancy) to ask if I was sure I didn't want my tubes tied (at our "Catholic" hospital) when they did the c-section.  Because that's totally a decision I should be making when I'm hugely pregnant...  It just seems like a recipe for regret.

Anyways so I am still thrilled to have a doctor who actually understands hormones!

In other news Sadie continued her prayer campaign yesterday, asking God over and over again to send her a new baby sister and then occasionally coming over to whisper to my tummy before asking me if the "new baby" was in there yet.  She reminds me a bit of the parable of the widow and the judge...

Sadie's Fervent Prayer...

Last night after we said our family rosary and Paul had left to go to the library, Sadie was laying in bed and said: "Can we pray?"  I told her to go ahead and so she began:

Sadie:  "In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen...  God..." this was followed by a string of words that I couldn't hear clearly and then... "Baby!"

Me:  After a long pause "Did you just ask God to send us another baby?"

Sadie:  "Yes."

Me:  Wondering if being around all the little brothers her friends have has changed anything:  "Are you asking for a boy or a girl or both?"  Yeah, I know, in hindsight I probably shouldn't encourage her obsession with having a house full of sisters (I think that's one of the reasons she loves the movie Therese), but I was hoping she might not be quite as... against have a brother as she was a few months ago...

Sadie:  "A boy!"  (Yay!  A breakthrough... momentarily)  and then another pause:  "A girl!  A girl!  Girl, girl, girl.  God, a Girl!!!!"  So apparently she does still have quite strong feelings about it.  

Me:  "Can you say thank you for our day?"

Sadie:  "Thank you God for our beautiful day!"

So yeah.  She's still campaigning for a sibling.  The last time she asked me about a new baby I told her she should pray and ask God.  So she is.  She's taking her baby-campaign to a whole new level...

"Catholic Guilt" and God's Grace

Years before my conversion, when I was attending the CINO college that’s my alma mater, I remember my friends and I making quite a few jokes about “Catholic Guilt.”  It seemed as if it were very much a reality in the lives of the Catholic students that we knew (at least for those who felt any sort of attachment to their faith) and we imagined that all Catholics were that way, weighed down by impossible standards and expectations. 

Needless to say, I was rather surprised when, throughout the process of my conversion, I found that rather than feeling weighed down by thoughts of my faults and failings, I felt surprisingly free.  Sure there have been (and certainly will be again) days when I really, really didn’t feel like going to confession, but I began to realize that the days when I didn’t want to go to confession, were the days that I most needed to go.  Over time the knowledge of how much easier life was when I did regularly manage to receive that particular sacrament has been, for the most part, motivation enough. 

I know there are still people out there who share my youthful misconception that Catholics think about sin all the time.  Some would suggest that by teaching our children about the faith, we’re impressing restrictive ideas about sin upon them and ruining their childhood (more inspiration from my forum conversation earlier in the week… see that’s one reason why I stay on the forums.  Inspiration.).  But if these critics spent a day in an average (practicing) Catholic home I think they’d be surprised.

They’d see that most Catholic moms are kept pretty busy trying to impart the wonders of our beautiful faith to our children. 

In our little home, in the morning we wake up and start our day pretty early.  At some point in I try remember to say morning prayers with the girls.  Sometimes that’s at 7 and sometimes it’s not until 10.  Some mornings I’ll start to say them on my own, while they play, but they usually come over to sit next to me and to climb on me and Sadie inevitably looks at the cover of the book and says: “It’s our bedtime book!” and then ignores me when I say that it’s our “morning book” too.

The thing that I love about the morning prayers is how joyous they are.  And when you start the day with Lauds the rest of the day just seems to be a little more beautiful. 

The thing is, when kids spend most of your time learning about the greatness of God, there isn’t much time to impart shame or guilt, despite what the misinformed might think.  So we teach them to love what is good and pray that it will be enough. 

Certainly the topic of sin will become more prevalent as the girls get older and as they’re ready to tackle more difficult concepts.  We live in a fallen world and it’s part of life.  Our children need to be prepared for what they’ll face outside in the great big world, as we send them out into the fray, along with our fervent prayers that they’ll make the right decisions.  But that doesn’t mean we’re hammering “shame” and “guilt” into their heads. It means that we’re attempting to do all that we can to prepare them to live in a way that’s pleasing to God and then we step back, pray that they’re open to God’s grace and that the lessons of their childhood were truly understood and that those lessons are embraced.

From what I’ve seen I think that oftentimes those childhood lessons are forgotten for a time, but resurface later, in adulthood, when adult children begin to raise their only families and begin to revisit their own memories of childhood.    

While sin is an inevitable part of our world, the long-term guilt that can accompany it is not.  For we decide, every day, every moment even, whether we’ll embrace the joy or reject it in turning from God.  It’s as simple as that.  Each moment is a chance to turn towards God, or to turn away from Him. 

Sadie already knows that she dislikes the snake on Jesse Tree ornament, and is constantly pawning it off on her little sister, who isn’t that fond of it either, despite my attempts at making it as pretty as the other ornaments with those red velvet apples. 

Will I be telling my children that right is right and wrong is wrong?  Absolutely.  I don’t think I’d be doing them any favors by imparting the morally relativistic morality that everyone can do whatever you want and it’s all okay.  Their souls are a tad more important that seeming hip and up with whatever it’s trendy to believe at the moment.  As they grow, like so many parents and family members, I’ll continue to pray and pray and pray that it all sinks in and that they are open to God’s grace in their lives. 

You see, the mistake that I made in my earliest understanding of the Catholics that I knew was assuming that the guilt they felt was a byproduct of Catholicism.  In actuality that sort of burden (when it’s not the result of scrupulosity) is usually the result of living in a way that we know we shouldn’t be living.  I’d say it would have been exceedingly hard for the kids I knew at CINO college not to struggle with what was commonly accepted as normal after being raised in Catholic homes.   But that’s not the fault of the homes they were raised in.  It’s the fault of a college that ‘embraced a secular world view and rejected it’s Catholic identity and duty to shape minds and hearts. 

The standards that we innately know we’re supposed to be striving for aren’t impossible, when we’re open to His grace.  And as long as we keep picking ourselves up and going to confession with the real intent to try to be better, the natural guilt that we should feel when we’ve done something wrong (for guilt is not a bad thing when it tells us that we’re wrong and need to make a change) is quickly dispelled and replaced with the joy that God is loving, even in the midst of difficulties.  

Daily Dose of Cuteness: Sadie's Favorite Hat

I think Sadie may have a new favorite headcovering...

Major Dress Alterations and a Color Choice

I dug this dress out of my Dresses to be Altered pile last night and finally admitted to myself that as is, it was never going to fit again.

This picture explains why:

I've had this dress for 11 years, and it hasn't fit for at least four.  Last night I finally convinced myself that there was no harm in trying to alter it myself, into a brand new dress... after all, it was only going to sit around in the bottom of the closet otherwise.  So I began my plan.  I completed most of the front last night (I have to add two more sections in the back, the picture below is before I finished the front panels).

I'm going to add thick straps and bring the top up a bit higher than it was.  I might also try to do something about the color.  I've been thinking of trying out dyes for a while (this blog totally inspired me to want to give it a try) but I keep going back and forth on the colors.  I just don't want the pink to stand out as much as it is (see those slits?  I'm sewing in large pink triangles to make the skirt fuller.  The front looks great... but very, very bright.  Paul seemed amused when I showed him what I had so far).  

It fits wonderfully now.  I'm really hoping it doesn't look ridiculous when I'm done!  Oh well, either way I'm learning as I go!

What color do you think I should try for dye?  I've gone back and forth between green, purple, blue and red.  So yeah.  I have no idea what color I'm going to pick?

Cashew Asparagus Lime Shrimp

I was trying out a new shrimp recipe today and as usual things got out of hand.  I ended up adding way more of some ingredients then it called for, and then added a bunch that we had around the house and I am hoping that this be a new family favorite.

We had a "shrimp creole" incident earlier in the week that involved Paul saying "Does your mouth feel like it's on fire?  Hon, you married a Yankee!" (which I guess means no cayenne or chili pepper?), while Sadie and Mae both grabbed handfuls of the food (apparently a spoon wasn't fast enough) and gobbled down the chili pepper covered rice (they take after Mommy and like their food hot!  I think it may be a result of the hot peppers I craved throughout both pregnancies!).  Here's the latest.  And it's not spicy!

1 medium onion (chopped)
1 jalapeno (chopped)
5 small sweet peppers (I used a variety of red, yellow and orange) (chopped)
1 bunch asparagus (trimmed and cut into 1 inch pieces)
1 lb small shrimp (cooked and cleaned, which thankfully is how the tiny one's usually come when you buy them!)
2 tsp cornstarch
½ cup soy sauce
1/8 cup lime juice
5 tbs chopped garlic
2 tbs olive oil
1 can water chestnuts (drained)
5 oz halved cashews
Cooked Brown Rice

Add olive oil, ½ garlic (about 2 ½ tbs), asparagus, onion and peppers to a large sauce pan and sauté until onion is soft.  Add shrimp and cook on medium heat for 5 minutes.  In a separate cup mix soy sauce, lime juice and cornstarch until blended.  Drain shrimp mixture.  Return to heat and add soy sauce mixture.  Add remaining garlic (2 ½ tbs).  Add water chestnuts and cashews.  Cook, stirring frequently until sauce is thickened.  Serve over brown rice and enjoy!

Hearsay, Scrupulosity, and Defunding the Culture of Death

I've gotten a few comments here and on facebook questioning the boycott, particularly of the girls scouts, and so I'm not responding to any particular comment here, as much as I am responding to the general concerns that have been raised.

Claim: The claims against the girls scouts are hearsay.

I don't think the lifesite news link really qualifies as "hearsay."  The thing is that these claims have been circulating for years, with girls who were girl scouts for years coming forward after feeling that they have to leave the group because of what they're being taught.  The "Journey" books used come up a lot.  This link pretty much sums up the problem that I have with involving myself with the group.

Claim: The task of boycotting is simply too big and could easily pass into scrupulosity.

I don't think it's a scrupulosity issue if the lines are clearly drawn.   If someone directly supports or partners with Planned Parenthood, we don't spend our money with them.  If it's an indirect connection (ie a government taxes a company and uses the money to pay for the slaughter of the unborn, I don't think they can be held accountable) that's entirely different.

Claim: We don't have a positive alternative to Girl Scouts.  And in our area they aren't bad.  (And yes I've heard this a lot. I don't want anyone to think I'm picking on them!  Just trying to put together coherent thoughts.)

From what I understand most the the PP garbage is in the literature as the girls get older and in the "role models" put forward in the Journey book collection.  On a personal level, I'd rather skip out on girls or boys groups all together than expose my children to that sort of thing (although hopefully you have found a group that doesn't use the girl scout's own literature and programs?).  I don't know.  I just have a problem supporting an organization on a local level, that is corrupt at a national level, and since joining a group like this isn't a necessity I think we'll probably pass.  I imagine some part of the dues you pay on the local level are supporting the problems at the national level, and if having a problem with supporting that activity makes me seem scrupulous to some people, then I guess I'll embrace that label today.  Personally I don't think it does... and if done with prayer and thoughtfulness I don't think it's a real issue here...  I imagine my priest would agree if I said: "Hey, you don't think it's over-scrupulous to avoid shopping at businesses that directly fund the abortion giant Planned Parenthood?  Do you?"

I do like the looks of the little flower's program for girls.  I don't imagine there will be a group where we are when the girls are old enough, so we'll be starting our own, even if it's just family.

I wouldn't support a Catholic hating group either (because for some people that's the only option they have).  But it's not an either or.  It's not as if I have to decide between a Catholic hating group and a pro-death group.  We don't have to pick one or the other.

And in conclusion:

Making these changes are deeply personal.  But I feel the need to speak up when it's suggested that trying not to fund the abortion industry is "scrupulous."  I think we'd all be jumping not to spend money on a genocidal regime, but it's okay to suggest that we're being over scrupulous for attempting to prevent the slaughter of the unborn.  I just don't find myself agreeing.  This unseen evil is just as great.

If it means we have to do without a little bit more in this life, I'll try to look at it as a growing experiences.  Living in the country we live in is pretty luxurious anyways, compared to many parts of the rest of the world.

I'm not bringing this up to guilt anyone in to doing anything that they don't want to do.  But I do think that people have the right to know where there money's going, which is the motivation behind all of these posts.

I cook pretty much everything from scratch, yet I still find these products in my home (okay, so I don't make my own steak sauce all the time...).  It's an issue for pretty much everyone who shops in the super market or at a mall...  It's just that most of us don't know who these companies belong too...

Anyways, I am going to start posting alternatives to these companies to show that it's not all that hard to avoid them once you get the hang of it.  It's totally doable for those who are going to give it a try and I'll be more than happy to help!

Favorite Saints?

I've been busy working on Christmas/Advent/Shop related projects these last few days.  At the moment I feel like my head is full of ideas for new projects (mostly for the shops), which seems to be taking up all the energy that usually goes towards blogging creativity and this is one of those few days where I feel like I really have very little to say (if Paul is checking in from wherever he's studying, he will probably disagree with that statement... so maybe I should rephrase: I have very little that is blog-worthy to say at the moment).

I did have a cute Sadie moment today, that shows how much crafting we've been doing.  Sadie walked over to me while I was sewing with a little felt pocket that I made her to hold her saint cards.  She began to take the cards out while saying:  "I need to do my work."  From there she launched into a little speech:  "I'm doing my work.  This work is hard.  I need help with my work.  I need to do my work.  Will you help me work Mommy?"  I offered suggestions on how she could "work" ("do you want to put the cards in a line?  in a stack?  which card is your favorite?").  When I began cooking dinner, Sadie and her holy cards, spread out over the kitchen floor and continued to "work."

Which leads me to my next, rather random question.  The projects I've been working on involve saints.  Sadie offered plenty of opinions on favorite saints with her cards today but I thought I'd ask the same question here and see what you have to say:  Who are your favorite saints?  Are there any particular saints that you feel close to?

Sadie's favorite is pretty obvious (Saint Therese).  She told me that Saint Joseph, Saint Francis and Saint Philomena were her favorites today and that Saint Raphael was Mae Bae's favorite.  I usually appeal to a small group for intercession, that changes depending on the situation, but that usually rotates between Saint Teresa of Avila, Blessed Kateri and Saint Gerard, with Saint Anthony and Saint Frances Cabrini also popping up in my appeals (a while back I heard the prayer "Mother Cabrini put down your linguini, look down from heaven and fix this machini..." on another blog and it always pops into my head when our car is... acting like it's on its last legs).

So again, back to the question: Which saints are your favorite (and why? if you feel like sharing!)?

An Attempt at Moral Shopping

I've been thinking about corporations and businesses who give money to Planned Parenthood a lot lately and the inevitable question of how they should be dealt with arises.  Since moving to our new home it's a topic that's come up, not infrequently, in conversations with other women, and it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this topic (on the other hand it's highly disturbing that anyone has to worry about this at all!).  At times it's very, very tempting to turn a blind eye to what's going on, and how the money we spend is being passed on and used to kill those who most need to be defended.

Turning away from spending money with companies that are linked to Planned Parenthood, began a few years ago in our house, when I began to read disturbing articles about Planned Parenthood's link to the Girl Scouts (OSV also has an article here).  If you search for the topic online you can find enough disturbing information to make you think twice about buying thin mints, much less taking your daughter to weekly meetings to be exposed to their... literature (they also make the "dishonorable mention" list on this lifesite news article).

From what I'd read about the link between Girl Scouts and P.P., the claims usually involve more about indoctrination into the culture of death and promiscuity than anything else, but in many ways that's more disturbing than large donations from corporations.  P.P.'s trying to warp the minds of the young, so that they think that killing the unborn, for any reason whatsoever, is just a part of life.

Since I can easily put away a package of Girl Scout cookies in less than an hour, this first step in the boycott was rather hard.  After all, who wants to walk by those cute little girls in front of the super marker, with their delicious cookies, and say "no."  But it was a first step for our family in spending our cash in ways that didn't disturb our consciences.

After giving up G.S. cookies we learned about the Susan G. Komen foundations connections to Planned Parenthood (at least I think it was after... it was around the same time when I began to learn about PP's connections that I learned about both companies...).  Suddenly shopping during Breast Cancer Awareness months became exceedingly difficult.  But the Komen foundation has given millions and millions of dollars to P.P... and so I find myself scouring labels with the little pink ribbon to see if the money is going to Komen or some other, non PP donating organization and trying to make purchases accordingly.

The next step in our own family campaign for more ethical spending came when we read about Kraft, Pepsi and Nestle and their involvement with aborted fetal cell research (mmmm!  Making your food taste better by using artificial flavors and making sure they wouldn't harm an aborted unborn child's kidney cells!).  Kraft was the most honest in their response with: hey-but-using-dead-babies-helps-us-come-up-with-innovative-flavors, but they must have standards of some sort, because at least they didn't completely lie in their response like Pepsi did, with a very untrue note about how they don't do that sort of thing.  There are Pepsi stockholders who are fighting Pepsi's involvement at the moment, but I think it's important to remember that they haven't won yet... If they do I'll be happy to buy Pepsi for Paul and eat at Taco Bell again. And of course there's Nestle who tiptoed around the question without answering it (with a we don't do anything that everyone else doesn't do! sort of answer), which also helped them onto our personal boycott list.

It wasn't easy giving up Kraft.  In fact, I still find myself discovering companies that are owned by Kraft every week.  As I'm writing this I hopped over and checked out the wikipedia entry, and found out Cadbury was part of Kraft (Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Did I know that before and block it out?!?!).  However, giving up Nabisco, Philadelphia (as in kraft's cream cheese), Oscar Mayer, A1, Cracker Barrel, Capri Sun, Dentyne gum, Handi-Snacks, Halls, Jell-O, Kool-Aid, Nutter Butters and Newtons, Planters, Ritz, Stove Top, Triscuit, Trident, Toblerone, Velveeta, and Wheat Thins hasn't been easy (for a full list of their "large brands" from the Kraft website go here.  And the brands above are just the tip of the iceberg...).  It's hard to remember what Kraft owns.  But we have made an honest effort to avoid buying from companies that think it's business as usual to include the destruction of human life as part of the process when testing their products.

After all, if I can check labels for nutrition information, I can certainly check to see if they say "Kraft Foods" anywhere.

I've also been taking a second list at the other groups that make the pro-life boycott list (at least what's freely available) and I'm thinking of taking the plunge and paying $19 to get the actual list from Life Decisions International so that we can feel more confident shopping.  Red Lobster and Olive Garden both make the list of places we won't be frequenting during special occasions, and we won't be visiting the nice looking Whole Foods across town any time soon either (okay... I wouldn't have been shopping their anyways...).

I do encourage everyone to buy from Kohl's and Mrs. Fields since they made their way off the list in the past year!

I know that a lot of people probably think we're a little bit crazy for taking this so far, because it's not the easiest thing in the world, but after lots of thought I knew that in good conscience I couldn't continue to support these businesses in any way, knowing what they pass the money along to.  It seems to me that often times the things we should do aren't easy, and I think spending our money responsibly to avoid supporting abortion providers should be high on the list!

What companies do you avoid for moral reasons?

I'm Back

After an hour and a half in the Apple store tonight, my computer is back up and running!

The battery was replaced, the cord, with a little bit of jiggling and moving around, is working again and they even fixed the remnants of last years computer disaster (after a particularly bad crash I reloaded all the start up disks, but every time I accidently pressed the tab button on Safari, the program would freeze and then crash... which was annoying because it would take quite a while to go through the same process).  The guy helping me seemed pretty surprised when he went into the computer and saw how often it was crashing.  After trying a couple things they reloaded the program and things are running fairly smoothly again.

I have a few things to catch up on after not having a computer for a couple days, but hopefully I'll have a post that talks about something other than my computer being fixed soon!

Another Power Cord...

I apparently haven't been inside an Apple store in a while...
We arrived to a line out the door.  I briefly wondered if there was some new product being released, but found when we made our way to the front of the line that it was just a normal Saturday.  After making an appointment we took the girls for a walk, returning half an hour later at the scheduled time. 

Mae wasn't thrilled about the packed store however.  More specifically she wasn't thrilled that we weren't going to put her down and allow her to run around in between people's legs.  So Paul headed outside and I stood with our two computers which were both suffering from the same problem: power cord/battery malfunctions.

I showed the guy helping me Paul's computer first and he sympathetically explained that they didn't work on computers that are older than five years... and that it really probably wouldn't be worth it to take it to have a third party fix it, because it would probably cost around $500 and neither of us were delusional enough to think that our 2005 Apple was worth that any longer. 

He took a look at my computer next and found that both the power cord and battery were bad (we go through Apple power cords and batteries pretty quickly in this house... We're on our second replacement battery (third if you count the one we're not replacing in Paul's computer) and are on our fifth power cord in as many years (at least that's between two computers...).  They didn't have a battery in stock, but they did have an old power cord at the store, which they sent home with me.  Unfortunately, power cord #5 was a dud too, so we'll be going back for power cord #6 when the battery comes in.  So I am currently computerless. 

My warranty did expire a couple of months ago (I kept waiting for Best Buy's renewal to come, but it never did), but at least it seems to be a relatively inexpensive (in computer terms) fix.  I'm just hoping that it is the battery and that we're not going to find that it's some inner-computer-battery-connection-part that was hurt when the computer made contact with the hard tile floor. 

And so blogging will likely be limited until my computer is back up and running.  I am getting a lot of sewing done in the meantime!  I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend.

On a totally unrelated and random side note: I can tell you one important lesson I learned today.  Never go to Walmart on Sunday afternoon.  It was insane.  There must have been 500 people in the store.  Every aisle was bumper to bumper carts.  When I went to pay the apple cider for my crock pot baked apples didn't ring up and the checker said there was nothing they could do about it.  It was that busy!  I will definitely be doing my shopping midweek from now on if I can help it!

Oh No!

My computer had a... fall... and... is going for a visit to the Apple store...  It works fine, the cord says it's charging, but the computer itself isn't charging...  Thankfully the closest store is very close to our house.  I hope this isn't an expensive, or lengthy, visit.

A Worried 3 Year Old

Sadie hasn't quite been herself lately.  At first I wondered if she was coming down with something, because she's usually only short tempered when she's getting sick.  After several days of healthy grumpiness I wasn't quite sure what was going on.

She usually runs around meeting new friends and introducing herself.  Today at play group she spent most of the time by herself in the sand box.  It was all very uncharacteristic.

Tonight she tackled me (I'd been an easy target, kneeling down after changing a diaper) and then ran across the room to get blanket.  She put the blanket down on me and gave me a kiss, then repeated herself, picking the blanket up, putting it back down and kissing me again.  She then announced that I was better.

As we walked back to the girls' room to say our prayers she began talking:  "I made you better.  I'm like a doctor.  You're so happy.  You're so proud of me.  You're so happy!"

I told her that I was happy, read her a bedtime story and put both girls in their beds.  A few seconds later Sadie said:  "I made you better.  Now your tummy is better.  Now you won't die."

Um.  What?  Quite a few thoughts went through my mind, first and foremost being: How does she even know what that means?!?!?!  I mean, we talked about the baby going to heaven to live with Jesus and Mary, but I don't even remember specifically using the word "die."

After reassuring her that I absolutely have no intention of going anywhere I asked her if that's what she's been worried about.  She very quickly said "Yes!" and then gave me several kisses.

Once Sadie and Mae were asleep I went out and called Nani.  And then we realized where she probably got the idea.  Her favorite movie.  The one she begged to watch today (I didn't let her) and would watch pretty much everyday if she were allowed to.  Therese.  Therese's mom dies in the first few minutes of the movie after being ill.  And Sadie's been very focused on me being sick... and very focused on insisting that she is Saint Therese (on a side note, she told Paul she was ready to go to the convent this afternoon).

Although it's not like we would have missed that whole theme if she'd been watching certain Disney movies.  I mean, think about Bambi and the Fox and the Hound...  but since she has been so upset about it I think I may hide her Therese movie for a while.  At least until I'm not the least bit sick and she's less focused on my health.

Hopefully she'll be back to normal now that we've talked about it!  The poor little bunny!

The Holiday Panic

It's a moment that the ambitious gift making crafter knows well and this year it's come early in our house: the realization that there's no way you can meet your Christmas crafting goals, even if you work, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the next ___ days remaining until Christmas.

Maybe it's a breakthrough that the realization came earlier, rather than later this year, or maybe it was just my overly ambitious planning for what exactly would be home made (I was aiming at everything for a money saving change).

Usually the idea that I might not finish in time sets in around the 20th of December.  This year the inkling began at the end of October when I started thinking, "well if I knit a scarf today, and make an ornament every day, and I sew a dress tomorrow and, and, and..." followed by the realization that I haven't knit a scarf in a day since college, when I was a lifeguard and could knit by the side of the mostly empty pool I worked at all day long.  Next I started trying to think of ways around the whole time constraint issue:

Maybe I should go find some really bulky thread and some giant knitting needles?  Or a serger?  A serger might make things faster (at least in my fantasy world... having never actually used on in reality, I can be positive...).  Or I could go a little less ambitious on presents for the girls?  Was it really realistic to start studying the various ten/forts I've been seeing pop up lately in various catalogs?  I've never even built a tent? Even if I have some linen that would "just be perfect" is it really a realistic idea?  

And yet, the fact that these very logical doubts have set in earlier this year hasn't deterred the planning, list making part of my brain that says: you can do it!  Add those cute little felt Christmas tree light banner things to the list!  Stay up an hour later!  Sleep after Christmas!

It probably doesn't help that most of these tasks are done sitting down... so technically I'm "resting" and not "overdoing..."  Yet as I stood in Joann's yesterday, with a mountain of felt, cut by the yard next to me, and a giant growing pile of sparkly tule being stacked on top of it even the other shoppers seemed skeptical.  "Are you going to finish all that by Christmas?" was the question of the day.

But Chrirstmas isn't the only day in question.  Will this set of items be finished by Advent?  Will these be done in time for the December-whatever- shipping deadline so it can make its way across the country?  Plus all those fun feast days in between I've been reading about?

I'm not quite yet ready to let those voices of reason rain on my parade.  Starting so early this year must be a step in the right direction?  And the idea that I might suddenly discover that I'm really a super-fast-sewer, although all evidence and hours spent at the sewing machine so far have pointed to the opposite, is still a dream I cling to.

Besides, it makes me feel a little less disgusted (or so I tell myself) when I realize that our local super stores actually started setting up their Christmas displays before Halloween (they were up, at least in part, last Sunday when we went by to pick up something for lunch after Mass).  I'll tell myself they're just motivating me to get a move on.  And maybe they can motivate me to limit how much we buy from their November stealing displays (what happened to Thanksgiving?!?!?!  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays!!!!  And now we're going straight from Halloween decorations in September to clearance Christmas items in late October?!?!?!).

Anyone else have big holiday crafting plans your putting in to motion (or questioning!) at the moment?

Maybe the panic is starting so early this year because I'd really like to finish everything up before Advent.  That's a nice little dream.

I think I might be one step closer to meeting my goals if I could find a way to keep Mae Bae from swiping my thread spools and taking off with them every chance she gets!