Friday, August 5, 2011

A Long, Dark Night...

I very much appreciate all the prayers these past days.

Last night was hard. I began spotting a few days ago, but it was so faint I could almost convince myself that I imagined it. Last night it became clear that I wasn't imagining things. I left Sadie and Mae with Nani, while Grumpa and I headed to the ER.

At the ER I described the symptoms and was relieved when the doctor told me that his wife had gone through the exact same thing for three months early in her pregnancy and had been fine. He didn't think it was likely to be anything to worry about, but ordered a ultrasound.

My relief began to fade during the ultrasound. The ultrasound tech couldn't tell me anything, but the look on his face, and the look on the face of the nurse in the room, were both very grim. When the doctor came back into the room a while later he looked very sad.

He said that the baby is alive, but that it is measuring eight weeks (I'm 13 weeks along). More worrisome, he explained was the heart rate, which at 90 beats per minute, was much too low. He went on to say that, at this point there's not really anything anyone can do and that, unless a miracle occurs, I will likely miscarry very soon.

And so we wait. And cry. I've been praying every chaplet I can think of (Saint Gerard, Blessed Kateri, Saint Jude, Saint Anne, Saint Philomena and Saint Padre Pio were the saints whose intercession I prayed for before sleeping last night and the rosary) and am clinging to the tiny bit of hope that remains. And I do appreciate all your prayers. We're supposed to leave for Florida on Sunday. I have a feeling the weeks ahead are going to feel very long.

44 comments:

  1. *hugs* I'll keep praying for yall

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  2. My prayers for you and the baby too. I went through a miscarriage last January. I hope God will give you the miracle!

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  3. Praying for the babe and for you.... Peggy

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  4. Oh no - I'm praying for you!!!!

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  5. Many, many prayers going up for you and your little one.

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  6. I miscarried our first child, I know how painful and heartbreaking it is. You have my prayers that God's will be done. You may either have a family saint in heaven or a miracle will happen and you will have a healthy baby on the way. Pax Vobis.

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  7. Cam, I will pray for you, your family, and the life and soul of the child you're carrying so close to your heart both physically and emotionally. The unexpectedness of this must be a shock, and it must be a double shock to not have your husband by your side. In your long dark night, you are not alone - may you have much peace.

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  8. Cam,the same thing happened to me while pregnant with my son, Vincent. In fact, they told me I had likely already miscarried. I was forced to wait a week before they could do an US to confirm that before a D&C.

    I don't have to tell you how many Memorare's I said. I was told "9 a day." I probably did 9 sets of 9, just to be sure.

    When John and I went in for the US that was to confirm our son had lost his heartbeat (I cry just thinking of that fear), the tech's first words were "That's a good, strong heartbeat!"

    A torrent of tears and sobbing left me immobilized for a good five minutes.

    There is hope yet for you and your little one. And today is a special day... the birthday of Our Lady (as revealed to the visionaries of Medjugorje). I will dedicate my rosary to you, as well as 9 sets of 9 Memorares.

    May the abundant graces Our Lady spreads through the world today be centered on you and the life you carry within you. May that life grow to be a blessing to the entire world, and may you live to see the happiness, holiness and blessings he or she brings forth.

    {{{Hugs}}}

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  9. Praying for both of you... miscarriage is so hard.

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  10. Ave Maria, grazia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Jesus.

    Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.

    Amen

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  11. Oh Cam I am so sorry you are having to go through this and with your husband so far away too! Praying for you and your baby! Praying for a miracle!

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  12. A good friend of mine had the same kind of problems with her pregnancy and now she has a wonderful little 14 month old. He was born at 24 weeks gestation the size of a 21 week gestation baby. Miracles do happen. Praying for you all. It must be very hard on all of you because Paul isn't there to hold your hand and your parents must be worried sick also. God's will be done. I pray that God's will lines up with our hopes and dreams for your life.

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  13. Said a prayer for you and your baby!

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  14. I'm so sorry, Cam. This is a hard, hard thing in a mother's life. Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us. You will be in my prayers. I will ask my little one in heaven to pray for you and your family... for miracles and consolations.

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  15. Cam,

    I've been praying fervently for you ever since I saw your other post. This is so very hard, I know. May all the angels (especially your little one's guardian angel) and saints, Mary our Mother, pray and intercede for you and your dear little one. Know that we'll keep up the prayers.

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  16. Praying for you and your baby!

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  17. Daily prayers for you and your baby, Cam. I am so so sorry.

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  18. Prayer warriors are surrounding you, and the Blessed Mother, on this 1st Friday which coincides with her own birthday (as revealed to the visionaries of Medjugorje), covers you with her mantle.

    A Mass will be said tomorrow, 1st Saturday, for you and your intention, Cam. My friends and I are storming Heaven for you. We all know the taste of this bitterness. You are not alone! {{{HUG}}}

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  19. Praying for you and your precious little baby...

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  20. I'm so sorry Cam and have been praying for you and baby all day. I will keep you all in my prayers.

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  21. I posted something on my blog asking for prayers. I send you mine as well. I have a friend who's lost two babies. I'm sure she'll get right on helping you out. She's really sweet like that.

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  22. Most definitely prayers for you and baby.

    I have urged my readers to do so as well:
    Prayers for Cam and Baby

    There are many praying for you right now, just trust in God.

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  23. You and your little one are in my prayers. I pray that the Lord with strengthen you for the near future no matter what the outcome is and that His devine will is manifested in your life. I pray that if it is His will to bring this little one back to Him that He will comfort you and your whole family. But I will continue to pray that He will perform a miracle until I hear otherwise.
    RM in MO

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  24. I just sent out an email asking my friends and family to pray for you and baby. I'll go to Mass especially for you tomorrow. Paul, you are in my prayers too. It must be very tough for you being so far away and caught up with the move. God bless xo

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  25. I will be praying for you and your whole family!

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  26. Thank you all for the prayers. They are such a great comfort right now.

    We're taking it hour by hour. So far all seems normal. The spotting has stopped for the moment. And I've appreciated all the stories I've heard of women in similar situations who delivered a healthy little one!

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  27. Oh, Cam, what trials you are enduring right now. I'll keep you, your baby, and your whole family in my prayers. (((Hugs)))
    Pax Christi,
    Sincerely,
    Randi

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  28. Just to say I will pray for you and your family. God bless you.
    Elisa.

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  29. Oh Cam, I'm so sorry. I'll be storming Heaven for you!

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  30. Prayers for you, your lil baby and your whole family!!! May the Lord bless you, keep you and give you strength and peace....
    Shawna

    My bff just had her 7th blessing this week~about a week ago they (the dr and ultrasound) scared her to death by telling her that the baby was measuring way too small....well this Tuesday he was born happy and healthy!!!!

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  31. Praying for you and that sweet baby.

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  32. Praying for you, Paul, and your precious little one! I, too, had spotting with my son and was put on bed rest. I understand the fear of this time. My our Lady comfort you during this time.

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  33. So sorry to hear what is going on. Prayers from us xo

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  34. I'm so very, very sorry. My sister went through something similar, and the stress was nearly unbearable while she waited to "find out." We're all reminded not to get "too attached" during the first trimester - but that is so unrealistic. We know and love our babies the second the test comes up positive.

    There are really no words I can share to comfort your heart, but please know that you are not alone, and that you did nothing to cause this. I was shocked to learn during my first pregnancy that a full 1/3 to 1/4 of pregnancies end in miscarriage - the vast majority for no discernible reason. I will hope and **pray** for the very best outcome for your family. I do believe that miracles can happen. Rest and take care of yourself. I wish there was something I could do for you from where I sit!

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  35. I am so sorry to hear that this is happening. I will pray that your little one will rally and survive. I lost my first baby to a miscarriage and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

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  36. Praying for you....

    Kathryn

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  37. Praying for a miracle, Cam. It can happen!

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  38. OH Cam! I am so sorry! I recently went through a miscarriage (our 4th child) and while it was a painful experience I have found so much peace in our faith! Knowing that one day I will hold that child in my arms, but trusting that for now it is with Jesus, and our Blessed Mother, that has been such a blessing of peace! Prayers coming your way during this incredibly difficult time! May the angels surround you and your family and that precious baby!

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  39. I'm praying for you. I am so so sorry for this. I can only hope that there will be a miracle.

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  40. Love and prayers, you and your family's way.

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