Thursday, April 7, 2011

Survey Question: Would You Tell Your Wife The Meal She Cooked Looked Disgusting?

Paul and I are having a little disagreement (and you can vote on it at the right hand side at the top of the page for the next couple of days). I had just finished cooking a big lunch (because he works early today lunch is our main meal as a family today) and was in the process of serving it when I heard him say "This looks disgusting!"

As it was it was an experimental dish that I was nervous about serving. And we can't say for certain whether the tears that welled up in my eyes were the result of the onion I'd been slicing or the comment...

He looked like he was undergoing torture as he prepared to take the first bite... then he did it and... after a pause admitted that it was really very good (he might have said delicious), followed by "but it still looks disgusting."

Needless to say, Sadie didn't eat hers (hmmmm... I wonder why....).

I finally pointed out that saying that lunch looks disgusting was rude. He disagreed and thought it was a perfectly fine thing to say...

And then, he was so certain that he was right, that he agreed to this poll on my blog. So, what do you think? Do you think it's a good idea for a husband to tell his wife that the meal she's just spent quite a bit of time making (it was a quinoa vegetable dish and I am planning on writing up the recipe to share here because it is very tasty!)?

And Paul's "question" is to ask for responses to the pictures which he snapped. Here they are (I took a few, and he decided they showed the dish in an overly flattering light, so the first two pictures here are his...):



46 comments:

  1. So I voted and I voted "Other"

    As in "... telling your wife that the meal that she's just made looks disgusting..."

    ...means that I'm volunteering to cook next time.

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  2. I don't think it looks disgusting (but then again some of the dishes I make might get the same comment) It looks interesting...

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  3. LOL! I'm not sure I could put the girls through that...

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  4. I think it looks yummy! My husband would say something like, "What's THAT?!?!?" Then he would smell it (!) and after taking a bite, usually admits that it's good.

    On the one hand I appreciate the honesty and I know there are some things that I've made that have completely bombed that I don't even care for them. But to say that within ear shot or with the children watching him take a torturous bite, would not go over well in our house.

    I also always know when a meal didn't go over well. It doesn't get taken by my husband to work for leftover lunch... I've had many a bomb in my kitchen sadly.

    I voted other: It's good for my pride, but not good for the children to witness, in my humble opinion.

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  5. Very rude.

    Let me use an analogy that he may understand:

    It's your wedding night. You are both virgins. As you disrobe before your new wife for the first time, she sees your... manhood and blurts out, "That looks disgusting!"

    Same concept, different context.

    Personally, I don't think any of the pictures look "disgusting." It looks quite good, actually! Can you post the recipe?

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  6. I voted other because I don't think it looks especially appetizing but there are nicer ways of saying that than "it looks disgusting." He could have asked if there was a way to add more color or give it more shape or something constructive rather than giving little ones an excuse to not eat it.

    We always try to be very careful how we describe foods we don't like just to make sure we don't unfairly influence our kids about foods they might very well like.

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  7. Okay, I voted "rude" but have to explain that context is key here. By way of explanation: Let's say you're out to dinner and the waiter puts your dish in front of you and walks away and you say quietly to your husband, "Boy, this really looks unappetizing!" I'd say that's just fine. Or you see food on a TV commercial and hubby screws is face up in disgust and says, "That looks really gross!" Fine. I see no problem with that.

    Now let's say that some wife out there just spent a bunch of time making a dish to serve to her husband. She was nervous about it because it was somewhat experimental and she really wants to please the wonderful man she married. She places it before him and he says, "This looks disgusting!" Regardless of how blessed and loving the relationship of this married couple may be... and regardless of how they both enjoy mild to moderate teasing on occasion... this comment is still rude.

    I am positive that the adoring husband meant no harm because he loves his wife like crazy and that is doubtless why he thinks nothing of this. And I know his wife still loves him to pieces and doubtless sees humor in the situation (as evidenced by the photos and post); however, context is SO key.

    Let me put it this way: It's happened to me. And I've laughed. And I've even AGREED with the assessment that I've cooked a gross looking meal and all the kids think it's so funny and we all get a laugh and eat and move on. But it still hurts a little bit. :) Maybe this is just one of those guy and gal disconnects.

    By the way, I applaud your adventurous cooking spirit and Paul's willingness to participate!

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  8. Speaking from an eyewitness point of view I can affirm that this meal was, indeed, zombified. Despite putting my best foot forward and trying to overcome my initial reaction, which was to scream "KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!!!" I managed to take a few bites. I said then that it tasted fine.

    No, what nauseated me was the worms in the food. They were apparently angry that I had eaten their friends and demanded revenge! Some might encourage my wife's strange culinary skills and most of the time they would be correct to do so. Yet, given the incarnate evil that this meal consisted of, I would ask every one here to please refrain from trying to convince my wife that this food was good and wholesome.

    I believe Cam to have inadvertently wondered off into witchcraft when she made this meal. How else to explain such inexplicable evil? In which case, I better take her off to confession and douse the kitchen with holy water.

    Good Day!
    ~Thomist

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  9. I'd kill him! Then I'd tell him to close his eyes and eat. I think I'd have cried too. I vote that Paul cooks for the next few days.

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  10. :O)

    I should clarify... that the "worms" he describes were the husk (best word I could think of to describe it) of the grain when it burst when it was cooked...

    Oh and sweetie.. you have a strange sense of humor...

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  11. Having read the witness' account, I must say that I am now neutral in my vote.

    LOL, interesting sense of humor indeed.

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  12. Oh, I can see the worms now that you pointed it out. :) Mmmmm... fiber! ;P

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  13. I see no problem here. Since this was an experimental meal, and all experiments need unbiased and empirical data, he would've been remiss in his duties as a husband if he had stayed silent.

    Hey, you asked.

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  14. LOL! I think you two would get along very well! :0)

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  15. I actually think it looks really good! (maybe thats just me) but either way I would say that the comment was rude. There are probably other ways to say how you feel without putting down what someone did for you. Just my 2 cents... :)

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  16. Okay, I'm picky, so I do think it looks rather disgusting, but my mom makes a quinoa dish and I think that looks disgusting too.

    I'm a bit torn on the debate. Pretty sure I made something once and Steve said it looked disgusting, and I agreed, but it tasted good. I think if you at least try it and then say it's good that kind of dampens the harshness of saying it looks gross. So it could go either way..

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  17. I voted that I think it was rude to say. Paul should be very grateful that he has a wife who cooks for him. The poor guy could have a wife like me who tries to avoids cooking as much as possible. I would be very upset if my husband were to tell me that something I made looked disgusting. I think the fact that he said it looked disgusting in front of Sadie makes it even worse. Maybe she would have at least tried it if he hadn't said anything before trying it.

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  18. Cam I think they are just sticking together because they are married to us!

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  19. Yep, disgusting. Think alien life form from Star Trek. :) Oh, and if this brings more tears to your lovely face, then I'm sure Paul will comfort you by taking you out to dinner. Peace out. -Cliff

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  20. Growing up, we were told that if we complained about the meal we got seconds.

    That, or we were on cleanup duty.

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  21. That looks really good to me and like several meals I've made lol. I voted rude, because it kinda is. I wouldn't mind it though as long as the kids couldn't hear and we were discussing thoughts on it afterward. Saying in front of the children causes obvious issues.

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  22. Disgusting is a pretty strong word, it's okay to say something about it's appearance, but gently!!

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  23. I've had my hubby tell me, "This is pretty good! I have to admit I wasn't quite sure about it when I first saw it."
    I think that's a good compromise - he tried it first, and didn't say anything to keep the kids from eating it!

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  24. "Wondered" and "wandered", Thomist, are different verbs. I digress. To the question posed. . .Cam has taken time out of her day, time that she'll never get back, to provide her family (mainly, her husband) with a nutritious meal (and this on a shoestring student budget, with 2 little ones under foot). Rude is the least of it. . .how about insensitive and ungrateful, with possibly a dash of "empowered"?
    Cam, you were "nervous about serving". . .???. . . deep breath, no further comment on this specific interaction. Hopefully, this brief exchange is not indicative of the relationship. (Cam, I am obviously an anonymous follower of your blog, and my reaction merits just that much weight. Read your post to your mother AND to your father, and listen to their thoughts. They are wise.)

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  25. Never acceptable. It isn't simply rude, but such language shows ingratitude for the cook, for God's abundance, and a lack of Christlike love. Thank you would have been appropriate.

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  26. It is interesting to see how the lines have (mostly!) fallen on this one! I think many of the women can imagine their reaction (like mine!).

    I should say though that he usually does shower my cooking with praise on a daily basis, which is probably why this one merited it's very only blog post! As a rule he usually gushes over basic meals (while I skeptically think "are powdered potatoes really that big of a deal?!?!).

    And thanks to everyone who wasn't grossed out by the picture! I do plan on posting the recipe because it was pretty easy (and it did taste good!)!

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  27. I voted "other", as in, "in no way a smart thing to say, and something that you will likely regret for a very long time." ;)

    Marie

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  28. I voted totally rude, because you can't say it looks disgusting until you've eaten some declared it very tasty, but as an aside say it looked kind of funny/disgusting.

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  29. Is that quinoa I see? Oh yes, you say it is. Quinoa is very healthy, being an Old World crop.

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  30. Perhaps you should mention that I said it looked disgusting only to myself and that you overheard.

    Perhaps you should mention you run your kitchen the way Stalin ran the USSR. With all dissidents executed.

    Perhaps others should try to live their own lives anew instead of reliving drama from their own lives.

    Perhaps the poll really should have had only 2 choices.

    But I digress.

    Empoweringly Yours Hunny!
    Thomist

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  31. Oh Sweetie...

    Now don't forget that you were okay with this post when it started out...

    Don't get your panties in a knot because people aren't falling all over themselves to say that you were right.

    And I did say that I "heard" you say it. I was standing three feet away from you. If you'd meant it to say it to yourself alone... than you should have probably said it in your head.

    Besides, you've been claiming all evening that "other" means they agree with you...

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  32. Oh please!

    What I said was that it was fine to have a poll. What I didn't expect, (but should have) is that this poll and blog entry would have been written with more of a slant than even Baghdad Bob could muster. Hun, Ya make the New York Times proud!

    ~Thomist

    PS I'm still waiting for you to call me a counter-revolutionary! =P

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  33. I can't be that bad if I publish your comments! :0)

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  34. Fine then. You are no longer on par with the BBC. Happy?

    ~Thomist

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  35. Trying to get the last word in dear? You might not win on my own blog sweetie... I could just hit delete instead of publish....

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  36. Crazy old Maurice eh....Crazy old Maurice....

    ~Thomist

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  37. Resorting to non-sensical Disney Quotes? I think you've been watching too many Disney Princess movies with the girls lately...

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  38. I think it's important for people to share their feelings and thoughts, even in such situations as whether or not the food looks "disgusting". I do think, however, there could have been a better way to say it!
    So I chose "other".

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  39. lol. You two are cute.

    I actually think you are both right and both wrong but maybe that has something to do with the fact that my husband does most of the cooking. I'm so grateful, I'd never say anything he made looked "disgusting" but I also appreciate the fact that sometimes a gentle constructive criticism can be helpful. I also think the fact that he did not say the food was disgusting within hearing of the kids was, for me, an important fact not mentioned. Unfairly influencing the kids is a grave offense for me.

    I think it is time Thomist treats Cam to dinner and Cam removes the poll. :)

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  40. Hi Katherine-

    While he did say it "to himself" (in his words) "to himself" happened to be with Sadie sitting right next to him... I was about three feet away and I heard it... She was in her booster sit much closer than I was...

    I will remove the poll if he asks me to. He enjoys debating quite a bit, and last night kept waiting to see what I would post so he could shoot back a response! But yeah, if he asks me to take anything down on my blog I would. I definitely don't want to use it to make family members uncomfortable!

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  41. I think that perhaps for me the most important fact is that you have a little one who's now old enough to understand those sorts of comments. Since kids frequently don't like particular sorts of foods and may object to trying new foods, it's really important that the parents set the tone for meals. While it might be acceptable for a husband to tell his wife that a particular meal was a bit of a disappointment (outside of the earshot of little people) to comment that it looked disgusting was impolitic to say the least. You don't really want your two year old to start pointing to the food and saying, "that scusting" or some variation of that. My husband has had lots of meals through the years that didn't appeal to him. His approach is to eat a very small portion and then quietly make himself a peanut butter sandwich afterward. It's pretty much the only way I knew for a long time which things weren't a hit. Now I will admit that he told me years ago that the smell of tripe cooking was disgusting, but that was before I ever made any. And to be fair later on he cooked tripe for an event where a tripe lover was going to be present, and decided he actually liked it. There are still foods he doesn't really like that are actually favorites of the kids just as there are foods that are favorites of his that one or the other of our kids, not to mention my son-in-law doesn't like. I try to fix things that everyone likes, but every now and then someone just has to sort of suck it up and let other people's preferences prevail.

    In an economy where food is getting more and more expensive and incomes more and more limited I suspect that feeding people healthy food is going to be more and more of a challenge. If Cam is really going to boycott Kraft and Nestle, etc. you may find she's serving more food that doesn't look like standard American processed food, so give her a break. Describing food as having worms in it is more typical of the behavior of a 10 year old boy than an adult Thomist. And if it really looked disgusting, well, take the Catholic approach and "offer it up."

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  42. Poor Thomist, he seems to be drowning in a sympathetic estrogen ocean. Being outnumbered 3:1 at home, he must be used to it though.

    If what he says about the kitchen is true, I hope Cam doesn't ship him off to the Goulash Archipelago... Gulag Appetizer... er, or something like that.

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  43. I have to say you do like Goulash, Baron. I'd know, I've cooked it for you!

    Cam, I've posted about my "disgusting looking" purple chicken if you'd like to read it. No pictures yet but when I make it again I'll take pictures.

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  44. Looks yummy to me! Quinoa has those little sprout things; that's just what it looks like. Have a little sense of adventure!

    I voted "outrageous." It's akin to telling your wife she looks horrible, or getting a present from her and saying "This sucks." If you have to criticize ... why not do it with a touch of sensitivity or humor? "Please tell me those squiggly things aren't what they look like," or, "This food wouldn't win on its looks, let's hope it tastes better!" might go over with less hurt feelings.

    And then saying that sort of thing in front of the kids -- that's just not a good idea. Do you really want the kids repeating that?

    In any event, it's just horribly ungrateful to the person who spent time and effort making you dinner! I'd have taken his plate away and told him he wasn't having any dinner tonight if that's how he felt about it! (This is my planned response if any of my kids ever complain about what I feed them.) Doing it to my husband would be, I'm sure, a fault of temper, but ... that's probably what would happen, and why, when in doubt, my husband always says, "I always like whatever you serve." I always know, if I can't pry out of him an opinion about the food, that he hated it. ;)

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  45. I read something not too long ago on a Catholic mom's blog, that she teaches her children that before they say something, they should consider if it meet the three criteria of being 1.True, 2.Kind, and 3.Necessary. I don't think the disgusting comment fits those criteria. :)

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  46. I showed the pics to my husband, to which he said.


    "ah, it's .. Heck I ate my mom's food."


    Ah, the joy of having a mother-in -law who can't cook well.

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I love comments and I read every single comment that comes in (and I try to respond when the little ones aren't distracting me to the point that it's impossible!). Please show kindness to each other and our family in the comment box. After all, we're all real people on the other side of the screen!