So… I have some news…
I’m going to lay out everything that’s happened so far and
it will include words like “pregnancy” and “cyst” and “spotting” so if that
makes you uncomfortable you might want to scroll on past this one. The news is mixed, at least for now, although I'm hoping we'll have more and more happy updates as we go along. Anyways…
I was waiting to announce this for a while longer, but the
situation has turned into a prayer request sort of situation… and we received
so much support in prayer in the past year that I’ve come to appreciate that
more than ever.
In addition it doesn’t help that I’m horrible at keeping
secrets…. And I’m horrible at
blogging when I have a secret that I’m bursting to share. I wrack my mind trying to think of some
theologically interesting or crafty or current event type post, when I really
have only one thing going on in my brain:
babies. But if I start
posting about morning sickness remedies that have worked for me or I write
about the downward spiraling energy drain of the first trimester, you guys were
bound to get a teensy bit suspicious and so I resort to cute picture posts
where I didn’t say much, but was noticeably absent, because well… after three
pregnancies I start showing about five minutes before I get a positive
pregnancy test when the HCG hits my stomach muscles and tells them to give up
their grand delusions of structure entirely (at least that’s what I always
imagine happens… I’m sure that’s probably not the reality).
Two weeks ago (a week after the first positive pregnancy
test, followed by all the negatives) the tests began showing positive after
positive again. I was more than a
little nervous this time, but after five tests I called my doctor, who said she
could tell I was nervous by the number of tests I’d taken, congratulated us,
and said she wanted to see me the next day.
Sadie began talking about the baby and evaluating my stomach
before the first test came back positive.
She was adamant. “Mommy
your tummy’s looking big. There’s
a baby in there.” Followed by “Hi
Mary. Hi Mary Therese! Do you want to play!” directed at my
stomach. Each morning she would
literally stare at my stomach and tell me if she thought it looked bigger. So the far off dream of keeping
anything from the child was just that… a far off dream.
The ultrasound showed a “fluffy endometerium” but it was
still too early to see the baby. But there was one other thing that showed up
on the ultrasound that I spent the week wondering about. When the ultrasound began the doctor
had me go back and use the restroom again, after saying my bladder was too full
(which I thought was odd since I’d just been there). When I came back she said the same thing. I told her I thought that was very
strange, because I didn’t feel like I had a very full bladder. She paused for a second, which was
followed by the words: “Is that a
cyst?”
And it was. A
cyst on corpus luteum. Apparently
the cyst itself isn’t that abnormal.
However the size (as we were to learn later) most definitely is.
It was a good thing to know was there however, because it
made me worry less when I’d roll over in bed and feel like I was being stabbed
in the stomach. That’s just what a
cyst feels like, I’d think to myself.
And it also explained why, overnight, I looked six months pregnant with
a fairly firm, round pregnancy bump.
Although I suddenly found that bump to be much, much less cute (that
picture in the brown dress that’s me at 4 weeks. My stomach just suddenly did that. It has since gone down considerably.).
These pictures however show what happened overnight. The first one is one day (when I was already feeling like I had a bump, hence the pose). The second picture is the next day (and since it seems so bizarre I'll repeat... still four weeks). The difference felt insane:
When I went walking with one of my friends the next day she
looked at me, glanced at my stomach and asked if I had any news to
announce. Four weeks pregnant and
showing. It felt insane.
Next came progesterone and HCG blood tests that were 48
hours apart, since progesterone was a concern with the last miscarriage (that
was fun with Sadie and Mae in their stroller!).
I’d been feeling mildly nauseous and completely exhausted,
which I took to be good signs, since I didn’t feel that way last time.
Then yesterday rolled along. It was a fun, relaxing day. I found a double BOB stroller on Craigslist, used, for a
very low price and somehow managed to email the woman back quickly enough to
get it. We drove out to a
beautiful, wealthy neighborhood (the kind of neighborhood where each house has
it’s own dock in the backyard) on an island to pick it up and then did a little
exploring (while repeating: “So this is the pretty part of South West Florida…
the part that isn’t just strip mall after strip mall…). I went to lunch with a few girls from
the law school who’d invited me to go to a café and had a lot of fun visiting
with them.
I came home in a happy mood. Until I visited the restroom and realized I was
spotting.
I went into panic mode, while working very hard not to
panic. I laid down, while Sadie
asked if I was sick and force fed me raisins as medicine (apparently the only
reason I could be laying down during the day is illness). Paul asked if I thought we should
go to the hospital. I said no… Until the back pain started. And I went into super panic
mode.
We went to the hospital where I had my surgery, even though
it’s the furthest away of the four hospitals in our area. They were very kind there and reassured
me that I definitely should have come in.
They drew blood and I was sent for an ultrasound.
The ultrasound showed a sac measuring 5 weeks 4 days (by my
calculations from the LH surge it was 6 weeks, so 5 weeks 4 days is definitely
possible!). She couldn’t yet see a
yoke sac or the baby, but said that at 5 weeks 4 days that it could go either
way and that not seeing them wasn’t abnormal.
Then she asked if I had pain on my left side.
“Where the cyst is?
Yeah. Sometimes.”
“Cysts.” She said, stressing the plural. “And one of them is trying to
burst.”
She said that that
shouldn’t be causing spotting, but it definitely would be causing pain. The largest of them measured 7 ½
cm. It made me wonder how big the
other one had measured, since my stomach was looking dramatically smaller than
it had before.
The concern is apparently that it will twist my ovary around
and cut off the ovarian artery.
Which sounds even more unpleasant than the words: “trying to
burst.”
It was also mentioned that they couldn’t rule out an ectopic
pregnancy but that I shouldn’t worry about that.
Then it was back to my room to wait for more results.
My HGC level was “really high” at 30,000 (which would match
my date).
Finally they said it was a threatened miscarriage and sent
me home to lay down and rest as much as possible and not do anything that could
possibly bring on labor. I’m to
call my doctor (I left a message before we left for the hospital) and hopefully
see her tomorrow.
So I’ve been moving from the couch to a bed of about a dozen
blankets I made on the floor (because the girls love it when I do that) to the
bathtub and back again. The
spotting did stop completely after that one incident yesterday, which must be a
good thing. And after spending today more or less laying down things seem to be going well, as far as I can tell. I notice when I'm standing up and even sitting up I start to have a little cramping after about a half hour, but that it goes away really quickly when I lay down.
As I wrote this I was very conscious that some people would
think that this is something that shouldn’t be shared. That women who might miscarry, should
do so quietly and not burden the world (after all that was the jist of a few
{and I’ll add it was very rare}… um… suggestions I got after the last
miscarriage). But, as you regular
visitors of my blog have probably guessed, I’m not particularly expert at
bottling things up and hiding them… and I, personally, can’t imagine hiding
something like that forever. Regardless
of the outcome of this our family rejoices that a tiny soul has been
created. Of course I want to meet
that tiny person and cradle the baby in my arms and watch as he or she
grows. And I just can’t imagine
keeping that a secret (I can understand other people wanting to! It’s just not in my makeup!).
I appreciate the online community and support and prayers
way to much to pretend like nothing is going on and everything is a-okay
(although hopefully it will be okay and with every hour I feel a little more
confident). And so, for those who
believe this is too much sharing, remember that you are perfectly free to click
away. And for those who don’t, and
who pray, thank you so very much.
You’re prayers are very, very appreciated.
I’ll keep my blog updated as we go along. Hopefully this is just a little bump in
the road on the way to a healthy pregnancy.
I will tell you, you are NOT the only one to show at 4 weeks! After having as many kids as I have had, each pregnancy I showed earlier and earlier. I was wearing maternity clothes by 2 months with my last one. Crazy! I am thrilled for you! Take it easy...it's not unusual to spot early in pregnancy around the time your period would normally be due. (I always did) Will the cysts interfere with the pregnancy at all? Did they say what they can do now? Or will they dissolve on their own? I had cysts found on my cervix when pregnant with child number 4, and they were able to freeze the cells during my pregnancy, safely. I will keep you and baby in my prayers!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteCarmen
Cam, we're praying that this is indeed just a brief bump in the road and that all will soon be well.
ReplyDeleteGod bless!
Marie
First of all, congrats on your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteI miscarried twice in 2010 and didn't tell anyone. It was a very heavy burden/secret to keep and I regretted it very quickly, but felt like it was "too late" to tell my family. Now I'm pregnant again and have finally became open about it. I'm really glad I did. I don't think I would ever keep something like that a secret again. I don't think it was particularly healthy for me.
I'm glad that you are sharing because it give me the opportunity to pray for you! I will keep you and your newest little one in my prayers daily.
A. Congrats!
ReplyDeleteB. *hugs* And don't let anyone make you feel bad about sharing... Its hard going through a "threatened miscarriage" and I can't even imagine how much so after actually having one. Prayers are good.
C. Cysts seem to be very common in pg's right now. I can't tell you how many I've heard have them recently. And those who've had them burst say that they are painful.
My prayer for you and your baby starts this minute. God bless from a mom and grandmom. Nancy S.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! Of course we will pray for you. Hope everything goes well though.
ReplyDeleteYou can count on prayers! I get those cysts regularly and it's scary how fast the belly puffs up. Painful, as well. May God bless you with good health during your pregnancy and protect your little one.
ReplyDeleteCam, I"m praying for you. St. Gerard, St. Ann, and Our Lady of Guadeloupe Please pray for Cam and her family.
ReplyDeleteWith my second child, I was two weeks late and had taken two pregnancy tests that came back negative before I finally called my doctor and went and got a blood test which confirmed I was pregnant but had low progesterone. So they put me on progesterone. A week or so later I was at work and I started spotting. I called my doctor, and she told me to go home, get rest, and increased the dosage of the progesterone until I could get in for an ultrasound.
I stopped spotting the next day and by the time I went in for an ultrasound, I was really nervous. My husband had no idea how serious the situation had been, until, upon seeing the ultrasound of the 6wk 5day baby, the doctor said, "It looks like we've rescued the pregnancy. But you'll need to take it easy for a while to make sure, because we're not our of the woods yet." I thought my husband's jaw hit the floor.
Anyway - That little 6wk 5day "rescued" pregnancy is now 7 years old, about ready to finish up second grade, has never met a stranger, and his older brother will tell you that he is a "pain in the neck". God is good!
I have extremely polycystic ovaries (hence my single child) and am all too familiar with the pain of "cysts trying to burst", incorrect hormone levels, and bleeding / bedrest during pregnancy. I am praying for you and your new life...and have added your (first) name to the prayers of the people for mass at church. (Hope you don't mind a bunch of Anglo-Catholics praying for you!!! =D
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! I saw your ticker on CAF a couple days ago and was wondering when you were going to announce it on your blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for your and your little one. Are they able to do anything about the cysts without causing a risk to the baby?
I'm so grateful that you shared this, Cam... now you have so much extra prayer support. :) And we all do care about you, our sister in Christ, and want to know when that prayer is needed.
ReplyDeleteI have a rather large cyst. I remember asking the ultrasound tech whether it was a problem or not and she said that it was possible but not probable... that many women have cysts that don't bother them. I'm praying that this will turn out to be the case with you. God's holy will be done. But no matter what happens, you are a mother again and I am so very, very happy for you! Congratulations!
My heart is heavy to hear of what you're experiencing. I know, all too well, how difficult it can be.
ReplyDeleteI have no words of comfort to offer, only prayers. May Christ's peace fill you and may you be given the graces to joyfully embrace His will.
Pax, Lena
Hi Cam,
ReplyDeleteI don't think I would keep my pregnancy a secret, even if it only lasted 1 day :). I'm glad you talked about it so that I can pray about your little one. Oh, and have I mentioned how super excited I am for you???!!
Oh Cam, we're all so happy for you! Lots of prayers from our family that your newest little one holds on tight. Take it easy and know that you have a big support system out here on the web, and we all care about you. Let us know how your appointment goes!!
ReplyDeleteI knew it!! When we saw you last week, I totally suspected.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, huge congratulations and LOTS of prayers! Pray to St. Gerard. Do you have a medal? You can get a blessed one one free from stgerardprayers.com
Cam,
ReplyDeletePraying for you lots! I've been waiting for this post for some time, as I've been so hoping! I hope that everything progresses just fine. The cessation of the spotting is an excellent sign. You're in my thoughts.
I think it is totally appropriate to talk about what is going on. It gives the rest of us a chance to pray for you and the little one and it shows those of us who have had miscarriages that we are not the only ones who grieve those losses.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you. Congratulations!
Yay! Congratulations! I am so happy for you - been thinking of you in my prayers! :)
ReplyDeleteWe are crossing our fingers over here...hoping God blesses us soon.
I'm behind on my blog reading, so I am just seeing this. Please know that I will be praying very much for you.
ReplyDelete