I find myself going back and forth...
The phone rang last night at around 7:30 and when I heard Grumpa's name on caller id I thought, "seriously guys, you know it's bedtime!" When I picked up the phone, holding a crying Mae and sounding grumpy, the first words I heard were "I'm sorry to call at bedtime but I had to tell you, they're saying on the news that Osama bin Laden was killed." And then I had to hang up the phone and call Paul at work and tell him and listen to the silence followed by, "I wasn't expecting that."
Paul knew someone who died in one of the towers.
Mae and Sadie and I had been in the middle of our rosary when the news came. We went back into the room and I added our intention for the night, half heartedly, more because I knew that it was what I should do than for any actual desire to do it (but life is just like that sometimes). I prayed that he felt remorse at the end. That he accepted God's grace. And we went on praying.
And, as I'm sure many of you did, I remembered September 11th, 2001, when I was driving to school and heard on the radio that the twin towers had been attacked and thought it was a War of the Worlds type joke, because the DJ giving the news was the joking sort... and that it wasn't a very good joke. When I pulled into the parking lot at school I saw on of my closest friends (she's now a Marine and Mae's godmother) and when I looked at her face I suddenly knew without a doubt that it wasn't some awful made up story... it was true.
Paul brought home a beer (which we split) and two ice cream cones and we watched people celebrate around the country.
I'm glad none of the Americans involved in this operations were hurt. And I'm glad that Osama bin Laden won't be able to plan any more attacks.
At moments I feel giddy. At other moments I feel relieved. And sad.
I find myself wondering how I'm supposed to feel at a moment like this...