Too Competitive?

Some of you will understand what's going on here and some won't... but I feel the need to be necessarily vague. You may just want to skip this post and go on to my regularly scheduled blog. On the other hand, if you've recently asked yourself, "what is she thinking?!?!?" you may want to read on to understand my motivation. I'm really hoping this doesn't sound mean. I'm making an effort to avoid stress at the moment and well... that involved deleting a stressful situation:

I recently had cause to ask myself (and I'll spare you all the bloody details) whether or not I'm "too competitive."

As a child I would say that I definitely was. You don't become Valedictorian and win a Presidential Scholarship by being un-competitive. I liked succeeding and I judged that success by my class rank. I was kind of a gangly kid and I definitely wasn't going to be succeeding in athletics at that point (martial arts, later on would help me immensely in the coordination area).

That natural competitiveness has faded with time. I usually compare myself to... well... myself, these days. Am I doing a better or worse job making healthy homemade meals than I was last month? Is the house cleaner or more messy (let me just say Epic Failure in this front at the moment!)?

In other ways, competition is very much alive and well at the moment. I need to make sure that I have stores with lots of variety and high quality, beautiful products, to help support my family. Paul will be limited to working 20 hours a week in less than two months. That makes my stomach hurt a little. I am working my tail off these days, which is part fun and part stress at the moment.

Some people have the luxury of having hobbies (in which case being non-competitive would be a luxury as well I guess). Someday I really hope my stores are just hobbies and that I keep them open simply because I love to sew. Then you'll be seeing giveaways on here weekly again (I am hoping to do them monthly soon!). At the moment they aren't just hobbies. They help us pay rent and put food on the table. And that might make me feel a bit competitive at times (I do try to squelch that...)...

So I'm trying to eliminate that competitive drive (at least the part that makes me want to hyperventilate) by following the adage "out of site, out of mind." That way I can focus on what I need to do, continue to grow all three businesses (more dolls soon! Really!) and not feel that mean little impulse that could send me straight to confession if I gave it free rein.

It's my problem (or my almost problem). I know that. At the moment, I'm dealing with it as best I can. And for now that will have to do!