I blurted this question out to Paul a few days ago, who shook his head while clearing the table and said something like: "You don't usually ask stupid questions, but when you do, they're exceptional."
"Is that a yes or a no?" I asked, watching his face as he shook his head.
"I think I pretty much answered your question."
"No... You said 'you don't usually ask stupid questions, but when you do, they're exceptional.' That could mean two things...."
"You're burning a ton of calories nursing."
"So you don't think the non-stop eating falls into the gluttony category?"
"No, no I don't."
Writing out this conversation, it sounds silly, and yet I know there's a good chance later on today these questions will start floating around in my head.
I don't usually struggle with scrupulosity, but when I do, logic completely goes out the window. And I've been rolling this particular issue around in my head as a brand new possible sin that I've never given much thought to until now, with baby #3, because I pretty much have been eating non stop around the clock. Thoughts like: Well, if you're not gaining weight then obviously you need to be acting like hoover inhaling everything around you, right? are followed by: Wait, am I just justifying and coming up with excuses... beginning the cycle yet again.
When I'm pregnant it's easy to give myself a pass on thinking about this sort of thing, but nursing this time has been downright odd, because I'm far hungrier than I remember being when I was pregnant (and way, way hungrier than I was the last two times I nursed). We eat lunch and I eat more than Paul and then go scavenging around the kitchen, looking for more food.
I think it probably has something to do with only gaining 20-something pounds this time instead of 40-something and all those days of being on and IV and not being able to eat during the third trimester, but the differentness of this time has for some reason made me worry about this.
When Paul was studying for finals he'd find emails saying: When you come home I need you to go to Burger King and get two junior whoopers. I'm starving.
So yeah... scrupulosity? Post-pregnancy craziness? A combination of the two that will only be compounded by my yearly: "It's Lent and I'm eating like a horse around the clock" worries that completely defy logic (wait, am I starting to worry about Lent during Advent? That is crazy...).