Saturday, April 14, 2012

Baby Drama

Last night was about as drama filled as it could have possibly been.  I'll start by saying that I'm okay and that the baby is okay (and the words I've thought over and over again since last night: "Thank You God!!!").  And thanks to everyone who offered prayers for my special intention.  This is what you were praying about:

We were having a great time yesterday evening.  We'd gone to a birthday party at a nearby park and the girls had run around the park and were full of hot dogs and cupcakes.  We'd found that fearless Mae Bae does have one weakness... bugs... and that upon seeing a bug land on her leg (even a harmless little gnat) she's reduced to hysterics for about 10 minutes.  The gnat was what finally pushed us into going home (because Mae Bae was becoming progressively more covered in cupcake frosting and the bugs were definitely not going to be leaving her alone until she'd had a bath).

All in all it was a great evening.  As we walked home I told Paul that I thought it was the most fun we'd had since we got to Florida...

I felt great.  I'd been feeling some pain on and off from one of the cysts earlier in the day, but nothing that really worried me.  Then I went into the bathroom and discovered that I was spotting, more heavily than the incident five weeks ago.  I called Paul and asked him to watch the girls and went into the master bathroom and sat in the tub and cried, pretty much hysterically, for about an hour.  I told myself I had to pull it together, walked into the closet to find some clothes, saw the Moses basket I'd pulled out last week, and cried for another five minutes.

After a few deep breaths I reminded myself that I needed to stop crying.  Earlier this week I told Paul I was feeling a little nauseous and was going to lay down a bit longer before dinner and Sadie burst into tears at the dinner table and cried for five minutes before telling me she was scared the baby was sick.  She remembers vividly the three months I was sick last time (it's really scary for a little kid to have mommy start hemorrhaging while walking around the house on a more than weekly basis) and if I lay down to rest the first thing she'll say is:  "Mommy, are you feeling well?"  And while she doesn't remember that I wasn't really sick until after we lost the baby, she does equate me being sick with us losing the last baby.

So I stopped crying and went out and found out she still had a head full of sand from the sand box and was demanded Mommy wash it.  Once her hair was finally clean, I helped get the girls ready for bed and told Paul I thought they'd be okay without me, since they go to bed in their own beds by themselves now.  I kissed Sadie goodbye (Mae Bae was too busy running amok or doing whatever it was she was doing to avoid bedtime) and told her I had to go out for a little while and headed to the hospital.

While crying hysterically I'd thought pretty much non-stop about whether or not I'd go in (while simultaneously pleading with God: "not again, not again, not again...").  I felt stupid going in.  It wasn't like I thought they'd be able to do anything if there was a problem.  My own doctor, yes (or at least I know she'd try), but the ER?  And of course it had to happen on a Friday night just after the office closed.

Still the idea of not knowing, all weekend was unbearable.  I would go crazy.  That kind of stress couldn't be good for either one of us.  Besides things had gone wrong so fast last time and this seemed to be starting in exactly the same way...  And so I began to drive.

The ER was awesome.  They whisked me back right away, and the doctor was in the room in a matter of moments.  Before they could draw blood the sonogram tech was there to take me for a sonogram.  I told him I was really hoping he'd see and hear a good strong heartbeat, and not a slow one at 90 beats per minute like the one we saw at 12 weeks last time.  After taking some measurements he said that the cyst might have burst because he wasn't seeing anything like the one I'd described and that might be what I felt earlier in the day (before there were several, with the largest one measuring 7.5 cm, this time there was 1 that was 2 cm).  Next he told me there was a heartbeat, but he didn't know the rate yet.  And then finally, that there was a heartbeat, and it was a strong 178 beats per minutes.  The baby was also measuring in at 10 weeks and 2 days (the sonogram to date the pregnancy at 5 weeks put me at 9 weeks and 5 days, so I guess we have another fast growing baby).  Everything looked great.

After more blood tests they told me everything was perfect except my potassium level (which is pretty much the story of my life... my potassium is perpetually low) and after giving me a giant horse-sized potassium pill (and hearing some very interesting It's-Friday-Night-in-the-ER conversations and deciding that every nurse in the area had to be a saint in the making for their incredible patience) I was told it was another threatened miscarriage, that I should see my doctor when the office reopens and then I was sent, feeling greatly relieved, on my way.

I think I'm going to be taking it very easy this weekend.  I guess I just need to get used to the fact that spotting seems to be a normal part of this pregnancy and not panic at the sight of blood.  My main barrier to that is that I never had spotting during my two healthy pregnancies, and so my only experience with it was the miscarriage, which obviously turned out horribly.  But they tell me that spotting isn't abnormal during pregnancy, so I guess I just need to keep that in mind before I burst into hysterical tears.

That's the latest, rather drama filled update.  Can I put in a request for an easy 6 1/2 months from here on out?  I'm up for the normal aches and pains and discomforts of being pregnant... but I'm also ready to not be panicked on a fairly regular basis!


  1. I relate. After we lost a twin at 5 months gestation and worried the whole rest of that pregnancy for our other baby, followed by a miscarriage of the next pregnancy, my most recent pregnancy had me fearful and crying over everything. Top it off I was sick and exhausted the entire pregnancy. Don't be too hard on yourself, you have been through a trauma that lasted months so your feelings are valid. I'll be praying for you.

  2. Cammie, I don't think you panicked at all. I think your response was perfectly reasonable and sensible. I probably would have called the ambulance and the National Guard at the first sight of spotting. I cannot imagine how terrifying that must have been. I'll definitely pray for an easy rest of the pregnancy for you. I'm glad the baby is okay!

  3. Praise God! I am so happy that you and your little one are doing okay.
    After two miscarriages, I thought I had some spotting at 7 weeks with this one, and I was convinced for an entire weekend that I was going to miscarry. So I completely understand why you would go into the ER to check. Seeing a heartbeat would have helped me so so much at that point (I saw it at 6 weeks and it would have been great to know it was still there).

    Keep us all updated on how you are doing!

  4. I'm so glad baby is ok! It is very common to worry after a loss. Believe me. I was a wreck during my pregnancy with Amelia. I will continue prayers for you and bitty baby. I would've gone to the ER too. Don't feel silly.

  5. After all you've been through, it's only natural that you would have gotten upset. So glad all is well, though and will pray that the rest of the pregnancy goes well for you.

    God bless.

  6. Thank goodness all is ok.

    Showering you with prayers.. I would've done the exact same thing. Am glad you are taking it easy this weekend. Take care!

  7. I had two lots of copious bleeding in my third pg (after one miscarriage) I think I walked around with my legs clamped together until the third trimester! LOL He was a week late; two hour labour and a bouncing 7.7 lbs. (with a scar on the placenta from the two bleeds) He's 23 now and over 6 feet. Best wishes but I do understand. Prayers going your way.

  8. So glad you and the baby are ok. I will continue to pray for baby's continued well being.

    Current baby girl, seems to be a slow grower, and it has me super worried. She has consistently measured a few days behind and I am not as big nor have gained as much weight. Now we know that one kidney is slightly smaller than it should be for her gestational age. I am of course 30 weeks (almost) but it doesn't mean the worry goes away. I think we will always worry about our children, the are so precious.

  9. It's wonderful to hear you're okay. You are still in my prayers. From what you describe, you are doing GREAT this pregnancy-- lots of exercise, eating healthy, and praying! Keep it up! (And maybe eat some more bananas, if you can stomach them!)

    Praise God you and the baby are all right.

  10. I will certainly be keeping both you and that sweet baby in prayer!


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