Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Crisis of the Day

I become a horrible blogger when I have something big on my mind that I'm trying not to share.  It's like the thing I'm not talking about becomes the only thing I can possibly think about, any time I go to post something on my blog and I end up with a serious case of writer's block.

These past few days that's been going on.  But because I was trying not to be a gloomy little storm cloud (umm... I think I failed... even though I didn't share what was going on) and I didn't really know what was going on, I posted about scissors and the weather and tried to put my rambling-on-about-next-to-nothing skills to good use.

Well, now I still don't know what's going on, but I know a bit more than I did this morning.

I went to the doctor this afternoon for a checkup.  It wasn't an OB check like most of them have been in the past months, just a regular, brand new doctor checkup.  Paul had made the appointment for me, despite my protests that going in for a physical when "nothing was wrong" was pointless.  I have been a bit run down.  I had a fever last week and I've been nauseous and had headaches for about a month now.  But I'd figured the headaches were from the progesterone and maybe the exhaustion too, even though I'd been napping with the girls and getting plenty of sleep (and a dozen pregnancy tests said that I absolutely am not pregnant at this moment).  Nothing major.  Nothing worth seeing a doctor over.  Certainly nothing like what was going on a couple of months ago.

Then the pain started right below my right armpit four days ago.  It really, really hurt.  And it spread to my shoulder blade and halfway across my chest.  I don't think of myself as a wimp.  I played rugby.  I've had broken bones and a badly herniated disk.  I took 1 pain pill after I had my c-section and 2 (if I remember correctly) after I had my D&C.  But I was now taking 2 pills a day to control whatever it was that was going on.  I was suddenly grateful to have an appointment coming up.

I felt fine this morning when I woke up (possibly because 3 days of percocet can really make a person feel "fine.").  We went to the appointment and I waited my turn.  Three minutes into the appointment I was a little nervous.  The doctor had a heavy accent that was hard to understand and didn't seem to have much patience with anyone.  When Paul's appointment was over he took Mae outside and I explained to the doctor what was going on.

Once we got past the "you could have died!!!" horror of what happened with the miscarriage, she began to ask questions and listened to my heart.  I told her I was really run down and I thought I might have shingles, because of the location of the pain.  She listened and paused, seemingly deep in thought and suddenly became very, very nice.  She said she didn't think I had shingles.  She asked if I knew that my resting pulse was 106 beats per minute.  She was ordering an EKG.

Ten minutes later I had a referral to a cardiologist in my hand and another prescription for painkillers (what is it with telling doctors that you don't like taking painkillers that causes them to give you them?) after a not-so-good EKG.  And Sadie was walking alongside me saying "Can I help you Mommy?" in a worried tone while I acted like everything was fine and tried not to freak out about how worried the formerly stern doctor seemed.

So now I'm waiting for a call back from the cardiologist who will agree to see me based on "how bad things seem" according to his receptionist.  By that logic, I guess not getting in this week would be a good thing.

I can't help but wonder if this is related to all the hemorrhaging and three months of retained tissue.  I mean that couldn't have been good for any part of my body.

As always, any prayers are appreciated.  Writing down what happened does take me slightly out of freak out mode.  And I'm very grateful for a husband who dragged me to the doctor while I insisted I was fine.  Now if only we can get some good news...  I'm ready to write a post about how nothing is wrong and how this experience has inspired me to train for a half marathon...

20 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! You're definitely on my prayer list. Hopefully whatever is going on isn't too serious and is fixed quickly.

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  2. Prayers for you! I'm offering up the current wave of sorrow over my daughter's death for your healing!

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  3. Wow! Sounds like you are getting lots of things to offer up in prayer!

    My resting HR is around 68-72, my active HR tends to drop back to 71-72 shortly after exercise. It is the one thing about checking my BP often as we try to figure out what makes my BP spike that has been nice for me.

    I'll be sure to add you to my prayers. Not knowing is far more frightening than finding something and getting a plan to fix it-- Your little ones are learning to have empathy for others through your trials and your prayers offering it all up could be just what they need.

    Your posts don't strike me as "storm cloud" but simply real.

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  4. Oh, yikes! How scary! You'll be in my prayers.

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  5. Oh Cam, you poor thing. If it isn't one thing it is another. Absolutely we will pray! Keep your chin up. And God bless that husband of yours for kicking you to the doctor's office!

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  6. How scary!! Praying for you and that the doctors find out what is wrong.

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  7. I will pray the rosary now for you.

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  8. Praying for you! It's always "something" - isn't it? For what it's worth, my resting heart rate is always in the 90s and when I'm pregnant it's usually over 100.

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  9. My Dearest Cams,
    I am keeping you in my heart until you get better! We will pray for you and for your health. I love you and I want you to take care of yourself.

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  10. Praying for you!! I'll get home on Friday; if you're up for it, lets get together soon!

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  11. Gosh, you must be allergic to Florida ;). Maybe some good California sun will make everything better. That is my non-professional advice/hope. Just kidding. I really hope the doctor can figure out what is wrong with you so things don't get worse.

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  12. Be assured of continued prayers from your servant, a seminarian.

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  13. Mary Katherine (from CAF)December 29, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope everything turns out OK and am praying also. The rosary I bought from you is working out really well, I carry it in my purse. Let us know what's going on.

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  14. You poor thing! Praying for you for sure!

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  15. Sending up plenty of prayers for you! (Wondering if your thyroid might be wonky...)

    Here's hoping and praying that it's something minor and easily fixed.

    Marie

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  16. I am praying for you, frequently, throughout my day. I am checking your blog, every few hours, to see if there is an update. Cyberspace is a funny thing. . .many of us, who most likely will never meet you, have come to care about you and your family. love -

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  17. I agree with mary ann, you probably don't realize how many people care about you and your family from reading this blog. Hoping it all turns out well.

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  18. Thank you all so much! All the prayers these past months have been a real comfort. I just posted a quick update... nothing really happened today. We're just waiting to hear back from the cardiologist, since they call to make the appointments. I am going to call tomorrow though, since the doctor's office said they should call today. It's hard to wait!

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I love comments and I read every single comment that comes in (and I try to respond when the little ones aren't distracting me to the point that it's impossible!). Please show kindness to each other and our family in the comment box. After all, we're all real people on the other side of the screen!