Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Pre-Surgery Jitters

Tomorrow morning, over an hour before the sun comes up, I will be dropped off across town for the surgery.  I know that it's an hour before the sun comes up because I'm awake before the sun comes up every morning, and this is early, even by my standards.

I started out being pretty excited that this whole thing was, hopefully, nearing an end, but tonight I'm pretty nervous (with the nervousness approaching all-out-panic at record speeds).  I guess I've developed a fairly pessimistic outlook on this whole thing, that stands at odds when compared with my normal personality.  I know where it's coming from though.

These past months, with regard to this whole medical situation, it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong, has.  I mean, I remember being twelve weeks pregnant a little over three months ago and thinking: "Yay!  I'm twelve weeks pregnant!  What are the chances of miscarriage now?  One percent!  I've made it!"  Followed by, what are the chances that the next sonograms would miss everything and that every doctor I talked to for months would think that nothing was wrong?  So when I find myself thinking, D&C's are safe and routine, the small pessimistic voice in my head, says, "everything else has gone wrong these past few months, who's to say this will be any different."  I mean, what are the chances that the hospital wouldn't do a D&C to begin with, at 14 weeks along?  Or that they wouldn't check to see that I'd passed everything before sending me on my merry way?  Or that the misoprostol would do a whole lot of nothing?

Those thoughts were followed by increasing panic at the pre-op when I read the paper that the paper work lady was filling out, upside down that said "Dilation and Suction Curettage and any other necessary surgery" and found myself thinking "any other necessary surgery!  They must think something else is wrong!" while the logical part of my brain says: "calm down... I'm sure it says that on every pre-op paper in case something goes wrong and the doctor needs to fix it."

So yeah.  I'm not feeling particularly logical tonight.  And apparently it's catching since Sadie asked me about my "ouchie" tonight and then when I explained that the doctor was going to fix the ouchie with surgery tomorrow announced that she was scared of Mommy's surgery...  I can't imagine where that's coming from...

And of course I feel guilty that Paul's missing classes tomorrow, which might seem silly... but in law school you really don't want to miss class at all... so... that's stressor #3431 at the moment.

I'd like to fast forward to the weekend and have this all be over with.  Any and all prayers are greatly appreciated.  I am so ready for it to be next week...

20 comments:

  1. Absolutely prayers for you. I think what you are feeling is pretty normal considering what a D&C is and how mentally not easy that is no matter how routine or safe the surgery might be.

    I'll keep you in my prayers!

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  2. I will offer my very small crosses and sacrifices for your intentions.

    Ad Jesum per Mariam,
    Lena

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  3. Prayers coming, Cam... You are such a good mama and your suffering has value. God bless you.

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  4. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm praying that all will go well for you tomorrow.

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  5. I'll keep you in my prayers tomorrow. I am certain this will all go as smoothly as possible for you and yours, Cam. Fate seems to owe you that much, and it sounds like you've found a very competent doctor, at long last.

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  6. Be assured of prayers from your servant, a seminarian.

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  7. Praying! Hang in there. Almost over.

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  8. Will be praying very much for you tomorrow that the surgery goes well and that you have a speedy recovery.

    God bless!

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  9. Many prayers coming your way! Praying that you feel God's peace.

    Marie

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  10. Lots and lots of prayers headed your way! Praying for a quick and total healing, for strength (you have been such a trooper through this!!! I would have just crawled under my bed a long time ago...lol) and peace! God bless you and your precious family!!!
    Shawna

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  11. I'll offer up my Holy Communion for you tomorrow morning!

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  12. Prayers for peace and quick recovery!

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  13. I'll say a prayer for you, Cam. Reading your post made me think of this quote by St. Theresa of Avila and I hope these words will bring you some comfort for your procedure. "Let nothing trouble you, let nothing make you afraid. All things pass away. God never changes. Patience obtains everything. God alone is enough."

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  14. We are praying for you!

    Tiffany

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  15. Praying for you today. I pray that today goes well and this is finally the end of all of this for you. I've had to have several surgeries over the last five years and I can relate to that jittery/ but relieved all in one feeling!

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  16. I wish that there was something else that I could do for you but I'm praying for you!

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  17. i hope that everything will go smoothly and that you will be fully recovered very soon. Prayers.
    Athena

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  18. My prayers for you too. Hoping you'll come back to good health very soon.

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