Thankfully he doesn't cry very often. Throughout the day, however, a diaper change is still pretty much a guarantee of tears. Sadie rushes over at every change, crouches down next to him, and sings a lullaby that I used to sing to her when she was tiny. Mae generally stomps over and stands by, looking unsure of what to do (and making me a little nervous as I try to change said diaper and make sure no one is stepped on by her rather clumsy toddler feet).
Yesterday she came to the conclusion that she needed to do something and while I quickly worked she knelt down by his head and looked at his face. Then she cupped his little head in both hands and put her face right next to his (I was ready to spring if things got even the tiniest bit rough) and finally let go and kissed him twice on the mouth.
I have to admit that my favorite part of this week is watching the three of them interact.
I think I've realized why there is a light at the end of the tunnel, for me, when it comes to my view of law school time versus post law school time. It might sound a little bit shallow, but honestly, thinking of it this way helps me get through on a day to day, week to week and month to month basis, so bear with me.
Right now Paul's schedule means studying or class from around 9 am to around 1 am each day. Lately I've been asking him to come home at midnight, which is an "early" night for him. Quite a few people pointed out in the comment section of my earlier post that as a lawyer, he's going to be just as busy, if not more so when he's done with school... which may very well be true (especially since there won't be school breaks at that point!).
However... I have to say that I still kind of cling to the idea of that time for one reason: at the moment it's full time with the kids and full time at work for me, while still clipping coupons and struggling to make ends meet.
At this point, I know that at the end of a wild and crazy day as a mom, the success of my businesses directly depends on whether or not I collapse on the couch, or whether I get everyone to sleep and go into the sewing room and work for another five hours... It used to be eight but these days, my eyes start blurring earlier and earlier. Sales directly correspond to how much I post in my store, and how much I post is a direct result of how many hours I work so... paying the bills means staying up late no matter how I feel.
The good part of all of this is that I love sewing and I love creating new items. But the stressful part is the ups and downs of the market and never knowing how business will work from week to week, along with the fact that right now bringing in an income is completely on my shoulders. Thus the store stayed open while I was in the hospital and last night I was incredibly thankful when I got Patrick to sleep in his crib while I finished all the orders that are currently outstanding and breathed a major sigh of relief when they were done.
So for me I guess the major difference between now and what things will hopefully be like in two years is that I'm hoping to be working at a more leisurely pace once he's done. I'll hopefully be able to spend more time on crafts that are gifts or giveaways or just for fun. I plan on keeping my stores open, but the pressure of not making money to pay the gas bill or the electricity bill will (I hope) be gone. And that would make things much, much easier to handle around here...
...which is why I still look at graduation Spring 2014 (and the bar exam that follows) as the light at the end of the tunnel!
She began her 4 pm rampage by disappearing quietly into the dining room. I should have known that disaster was looming. I was nursing Patrick on the couch and Sadie was building a city with blocks. I could see the area where Mae was playing partially, she'd dragged her little rocking horse into a corner and he was rocking slightly, although I couldn't see her body. Then I heard it.
Scratch, scratch. Scratch, scratch. It was the sound of a crayon on a surface that I knew wasn't paper.
I jumped up and ran into the dining room and found our little Picasso standing with one blue crayon in one hand (which she'd removed from our school supplies container... a box on a shelf that she'd never looked at twice at in the past) and the box of crayons in the other. The surface she'd decorated was the new baby gate that Grumpa had built and installed on the kitchen doorway (thank goodness it wasn't a part of the house!).
I retrieved the crayons, despite the many tears, and put them up higher. I'm thinking of getting some blackboard paint when I'm really up and about again, and painting both gates with it so that she can have at it with chalk... maybe that will be a goal for next week while Paul's home...
Sometimes items disappear off of our mantle. The mantle is 5 feet high, and is a vertical brick climb from the floor, with an overhang that would make scaling it difficult. I've always wondered how she does it.
Yesterday I saw exactly how half finished peg dolls waiting to be glazed have disappeared off the surface.
Mae had pushed the pack and play, which I have out for the day when I might put Patrick down safely in it, over to the mantle. It was still about two and a half feet away and I watched, my disbelief growing, as she climbed onto the edge of the fence of the play pen and balanced, her feet shoulder width apart and her hands outside of her feet. Once she was steady she let go with her hands and stood up on the edge, then reached forward and grabbed the edge of the mantle. After a moment of finding her balance she let go of the mantle with one hand, retrieved the binkie that she'd seen from the floor, pushed herself back in some amazing feat of balance that I can hardly fathom, sat down on the edge of the pen and then dropped down to the floor and went back to playing.
Maybe I need to start looking for a rock climbing gym...
So far it's just involved putting him down over and over again and picking him up whenever he cries, calming him down, changing or feeding or burping him if he needs it and then putting him back into the bassinet and hoping he'll sleep. Some of the naps are five minutes and one was one hour, but they're enabling him to get a good nap and they're enabling me to get a little bit done for my store!
I'm excited about the prospect of being up and about again in the near future. I can't wait to go outside, even if our world has been increasingly icy week by week (I'm even more thankful for our time in Florida, because I don't think I could ever have appreciated cold like this if I hadn't missed it for a year!).
I'm also thrilled by little things like being able to sleep on my back or stomach and being able to expand my lungs and take a deep breath. Those three things make sleep so much easier! I think I'm sleeping better now than I did for the last trimester of pregnancy!
I'll have to set another goal for the day: take more pictures. The one drawback to Patrick being up in my arms or a wrap all the time is that he doesn't get super photographed the way the girls did in their bassinets when they were asleep. Today's goal is to change that. Yesterday the camera made it downstairs. Today I'll actually use it!
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